Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I Slammed the Door in Her Face

My brother got married a year ago and I was a bridesmaid with my sisters. My SIL's bff was her maid of honor.

Now, don't get me wrong, the bff is a great girl. She has a couple of children and works, so is obviously quite busy.

She didn't do anything. Didn't even come to the bridal shower (albeit she had sick children), but you know what I mean.

Anyways, my mom asks her if she is ready for the speech. She says she is not giving one.


But it was her job. Her sworn duty as a maid of honor to give a speech. We couldn't just not have a speech. So I volunteered. I had a couple of drinks by then and hadn't a single word planned out, so I was sure that I was going to bomb rock. I told bff that I would give it if she found me the mike. She jumped up so fast!

"I am sure that I speak for everyone when I say 'it's about time!'" It took them 10ish years to get married. "I remember when I first met SIL. She came to our door asking for brother and I don't remember exactly what I said but it was certainly something rude and I slammed the door in her face." Oops! "But since that time she has not only become a friend but a sister. Cheers!"

Overall it went well, despite the drinks and the lack of planning.

Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt: Write about a speech you gave at a wedding.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Mr. King, You Never Cease to Amaze

Recently I have read three Stephen King books: Cell, Lisey's Story, and Gerald's Game (in that order.)

Cell (2006)- Sucked. Seriously. Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, what were you thinking?? Any shmuck could have written this. The basis is that someone hacked into the cell phone signals and turned everyone into killer zombies (or whatever.) How many times do we have to hear the same story about new technologies killing us? Wow. Hacked into the cell phones, huh? Wow, so original. Guess who survives? The people without cell phones. Maybe our writer is fearful and maybe a bit jaded about technology passing him by in his advanced age?

Okay, enough of that. I love Stephen King. I didn't hurt your feelings, did I Mr. King? Whatever. Write me into one of your books.

(I'm not sure where this hostility is coming from. I was just really disappointed with this book.)

Lisey's Story (2006)- This book is signed. Yup, it's okay to be jealous. My sis lives in Bangor where apparently Stephen King went into the mall and signed a bunch of books randomly in Waldenbooks. She snagged one for me. Hooray for randomness.

Anyways, the book. Half of it was really good and half of it was shit. The main story line is about a writer's widow (why do writers always write about writers? Painters do not paint painters and singers do not sing about singing) who has not gone through his things and some academics think there might be a great unpublished book somewhere. This psycho tells her that if she does not give the stuff over then he will do terrible things to her. She tells the cops initially, but then when it comes down to it, she doesn't get them involved, she takes care of business herself.

What?? For God's sake, woman, tell the nice police officer who is carrying a gun. Seriously, they are trained for this shit. I really couldn't get past this.

But the other half of the book is about the writer's crazy other world that he can go to and heal himself. There is this cool lake that people stare at and end up catatonic. There is this scary beast in the woods. The fruit is poisonous. His father and brother end up going crazy and he has to kill them. Awesome! This is classic King lit. Weird, supernatural, and freaking cool. We could have done without the psycho harassing the widow.

Gerald's Game (1992)- Proof that his earlier stuff is way better. Basically, Gerald is bored so he experiments with some bondage with his wife. Jessie is handcuffed to the bed when Gerald has a heart attack and dies. (Did anyone see the title character dying in the first 50 pages?? I didn't.) She has to find a way out of the handcuffs before she dies of thirst. She's got all these issues (doesn't everyone?) and thinks she sees someone/thing in the room.

Normally King books are not scary. Weird, yes, scary, no. I finished this book late last night and was scared shitless. I couldn't sleep. I kept freaking myself out. I slept with the light on all night. So awesome! This book was great. The whole thing. One of my favorites, I think. It is no It, but it ranks right up there.

In 2009 I....

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Do you know what depression is? It is a fucking black hole. You'll be walking around minding your own business and you will fall into this bottomless black hole. You won't even see it sitting there waiting for you. You will not see it and can't try to cross the street to avoid it because it just appears out of nowhere and you fall in. And I am telling you, I know of no collie that is going to run and get Ma and Pa to come help.

I was feeling good. I daren't say happy, but good. I still didn't give a shit about Christmas, but I didn't feel like crying so I felt ahead. For over 48 hours. Then today, that damn black hole got me. It swallowed me up, without warning.

I don't know how to get out. It is too dark down here.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Third Column!

Thanks to Three Column Blogger I got a third column! Yay! I had to finagle it a bit and I was quite scared there for a bit, but I have beaten the html gods that are always trying to keep me down!

Also, I was directed to this totally awesome site Three Word Reviews (because you know I like the three worders.) Maybe I'll invest in a widget or something - now that I have a third column to fill up :D

And since I am up way too late playing with my layout I'll be skipping our Post-It Tuesdays. I'll think of some EXTRA good ones for next week to make it up to you.

Saturday, December 19, 2009


Hi there. It is Saturday night and I am spending it with my bff Southern Comfort. I believe I introduced you. So heres some quickies for you.

  • I don't want anyone to worry about me but I wish they would call to see how I am. That's like asking someone to be a mind reader, huh?
  • Why are there all these fire engines on my street?
  • My tree is slanty but I am afraid to touch it. If it falls I'll freak out.
  • I am SICK of hearing people talking about the cold/snow. I'm probably just being a grump, but, shit, it's not even technically winter yet. Welcome to New England.
  • My Ex-Grandmother-In-Law sent us a Christmas card today. It assured me that she will send Ryder's gifts after Christmas - when she gets the money. I'm not holding my breath.
  • I did not send her or any of her family cards this year. Fuck 'em.
  • I got a couple of super gifts from my bloggy friends that I will be properly accepting and passing on soon. Soon.
  • Parking bans suck ass.
Okay, I'm gonna go finish wrapping gifts.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Second Batch of Three Word Reviews

My first batch of reviews, with inspiration from Verdant Dude.

Monsters vs. Aliens ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
Cutest monsters ever!

The Love Guru ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Mike, just stop.

Bruno ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
He's wicked funny!

Kung Fu Panda ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
Panda's father duck???

Strange Wilderness ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Slacker Uprising ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
A for effort.

Definately, Maybe ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
Cute. Sweet. Nauseating.

Things We Lost in the Fire ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
Heroin is bad.

Want to play along? I'd love to read your three word reviews! Either leave them in the comments or leave a link. Maybe Ill do this on the regular? I enjoy it. What do you think?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Talk to Me

Mama Kat's prompt: What is your cross to bear?

I am a listener. A really good listener. I don't always give advice, actually I think I usually don't. Sometimes people just need someone to listen and I am that person for others.

I have always been a confidante. When I was young, I was my mother's confidante. I hated it. She told me about all of these problems she was having with my younger brother. I began to think that maybe if I gave them problems they would talk about me instead. But I didn't, really. I quietly listened.

A good friend recently told me that I am her "person." The person that she can always rely on and can say anything and everything too. That meant a lot. We had had some problems in the past but now our friendship is solid. I love that I can be there for someone who needs it.

On the other hand, I am a terrible talker. I don't really have a "person." I don't have someone to run to and tell all my crap to. And even if I did, I am not sure that I would. I feel like if I tell someone something then I am giving them the load. Like now they are going to worry about me or whatever and I certainly do not want to do that to anyone. I don't want people to worry about me, so I remain quiet.

Maybe that is why I blog. What I don't want to verbalize I type. But that isn't necessarily true either. God knows I would be blogging a whole lot more and it would be a whole lot less interesting if I did.

Anyways, I am a good listener. I am always interested (or feigning interest.) I like it but sometimes I loathe it. It is my cross to bear.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Arrest Numero Dos

I'm trying to pull a Star Wars trick on you and post these out of order. Here is the first one.

Have you ever been to a rave?

The first thing you hear feel is the THUMP THUMP THUMP of the bass. It goes right through you. Then you see the colors all the beautiful colors dancing on the floor and the walls. Lasers making pictures. Then you see the people. All the happy people. Candy kids is what we were called. Kids dancing - but not grinding. Dancing with people but dancing alone. Dancing like the music had possessed them. The candy comes from the bracelets we all made, wore, and swapped. Just some pony beads on elastic, but we treasured them. I actually still have mine.

Then comes the drugs. If you were lucky smart, you bought them before you came in because in the rave they are fucking expensive. We'd easily drop $100 on four pills in the rave. We rarely thought ahead.

On this particular night, we obtained our ecstasy at the rave. I was rolling face. (I was a lucky one - one pill and I was good for about 24 hours.) I was standing around with a bunch of people and a friend of a friend got some special k (ketamine) and needed some moral support. She asked if I would go into the bathroom with her. Of course in my altered state I agreed.

We went into the packed bathroom and I stopped in front of the mirror to check out my hair and eyes. She insisted that I come into the handicap stall with her.


Dumbass. She was just about to snort it when who but a DEA agent stood on the toilet in the stall next to us and said "Give that to me!"


We were escorted outside where there were some lovely police officers handing out court summons'. Apparently in the same 15 minutes that we were arrested, so were 14 others. It was a raid.

Anyways, I was so fucked up that I wasn't upset about anything except not being able to go back into the rave. We begged and pleaded, but alas, we spent the rest of the night in the car while our friends inside wondered where we had gone.

Part three is over here.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A More Meaningful Gift Than You Can Imagine

Describe a time or moment when a stranger helped you.

One year ago I was trying to get up from being knocked down and stepped on. I was getting a restraining order, a divorce, and working on a bankruptcy. It was a really rough time. Especially just before and during the holidays. I wasn't sure how I would buy anyone any gifts. I knit hats for everyone, but I really wanted to do something special for my one year old.

A counselor that I was talking to suggested a Santa charity. I was not interested, but she insisted so I wrote them a letter. A couple of weeks later there was a giant box in front of my apartment. I brought it in and almost couldn't open it. When I saw all of the toys I cried. I had pretty much given up on humanity and here was this most wonderful gift.

I am crying just remembering it.

Santa truly came to our house last year. I believe in Santa now. He comes to those who need him the most. He did more than give us a box of toys, he gave me hope.

Monday, December 7, 2009

That Guy

Sometimes you meet someone who makes you think "Wow. I am glad that I am not That Guy." For whatever reason. Maybe he got into a wreck, or maybe his wife is screaming at him for getting the wrong kind of bread, or maybe he is sleeping on the bench in the park. Or maybe he is just prejudiced.

I try to think about how everyone was raised differently, came from a different place, maybe even a different time. They had different experiences and met different people. All of this made this person who he or she is today.

I met a guy yesterday that obviously grew up differently than I did. We were both born in Boston and come from Boston families and are approximately the same age. He clearly had a different childhood than me though. To stick with some basics and not get into too much, but still give you an idea: he was an intelligent child in an experimental program. They tried to integrate English and Spanish students and tried to teach all of them everything. Long story short, he was one of two white kids in a class of Latinos.

So, he views immigrants and the like differently than I do. I grew up in a French-Canadian town with close to no minorities.

I am a bleeding heart liberal. I think instead of closing the borders, they should make it easier for people to come and go. I say "Give us your poor..." (Wait, that's not me, that's the Statue of Liberty...) We are all descendants of immigrants. My Irish ancestors certainly did not get a warm welcome when they got here, so should we be passing the torch or perhaps changing our ways?

Anyways, my point is this. I am very grateful for my parents teaching me that hatred is wrong. That all men are created equal. (Wait that wasn't them... that was the Declaration of Independence...) I am not entirely sure where they learned all of this, growing up in Roman-Catholic Boston families. Catholics (if you don't know) are notorious for hating everyone. My parent's families are terribly prejudiced. It is quite embarrassing really. But my parents are not. Sure, they did grow up in a different time, so things like homosexuals and piercings they need time to adjust to, but in the end they are very accepting and loving.

I wonder if Ryder will be a bleeding heart liberal. Will he want to minimize his carbon footprint and vote and treat others how he'd like to be treated? I hope so. I will do all that I can to expose him to different cultures so that he understands that not everyone is like us - and that is okay. Not only okay, but great. We can learn so much from different people and different cultures. I will also instill in him that it is okay for him to be whoever he is. Buddist? Okay. Gay? Okay. Republican? Err.. Okay.

I hope he doesn't end up like That Guy.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Why it Sucks to be a Single Mom: Reason 78

Picture this, if you will: a large-ish room full of parents and children. There are tables along each wall with crafts, play-doh, etc. Enter Santa. The density in the room is not unlike that of a mosh pit. With Santa in the middle. But Santa is not moshing. That would be ridiculous.

Santa makes his way to the other end of the room where they will do pictures, candy canes and other Santa stuffs. The line is the entire length of the room. And nearly the width as well, because of the craft tables.

Got all of that?

Well, Ryder and I played with the play-doh because there was no way in hell I was going to stand in that line. I figured that we would wait til it died down. We waited and waited and waited. Then I felt as though I was going to have an anxiety melt-down if we didn't leave soon, so in the line we went.

Obviously Ryder is not going to just stand in line. But that was mostly okay because the line went by all the craft tables. So, I figured that he could craft and I would stand in line behind him.

Problem number 1: apparently if the child is not in line, neither are you, or so some parents thought. They were just pushing by me when my attention was turned.

Problem number 2: the second that Ryder moves out of arms reach and I have to go get him, I lose my spot in line. Back to the end for us.

This is Santa people. Apparently this is serious business. There are pictures and promises of toys to be had. I just wanted to leave. Ryder did not. I really wanted him to get a chance to see Santa, but couldn't figure out how to.

We ended up waiting until the very last second. Ryder was literally the last child. We got a great picture and Ryder was really excited.

I guess what really bothered me most was this particular family that was in line. One of the children was playing at the table with us and stayed until one of his parents came and got him because it was their turn. We couldn't do that. That is what sucked.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

One Year

December 2008 was filled with courts, and lawyers, and courts, and woman's advocates, and courts, and judges, and crying. For my birthday I was trying to get a restraining order. I got a temp one and had to come back ten days later. Later in the month my divorce was finalized. (I haven't told that story yet? Humf.) Yesterday was my birthday and I just cried all day. Cried at work, cried when my parents surprised me with cake, cried when I opened my gift, cried in bed. I'm crying now.

Birthdays have always kinda sucked for me. I lay it right out, what I want to do and that is not what happens. So this is why I thought that I was dreading my bday. Then I remembered last year. My 28th birthday was spent in a court room with a woman's advocate scared as shit that he was going to show up.

So my 29th brought back all of those emotions. In addition, it reminds me that in 10 days I have to go back to court to renew the restraining order. Fuck, I do. not. want. to go. A friend offered to come with me, so hopefully that helps.

Everyone was super sweet - those who knew (thanks facebook). People called, but I didn't answer my phone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I listened to all the voicemails, but didn't call anyone back. My friend told me that I shouldn't let something that happened a year ago ruin this year's birthday. The only way that I can describe these feelings are when someone dies. Then for every year after that, on that day, you think of that person and mourn him or her. I feel as though I am mourning the death of my husband and my marriage.

This past year has been good. Not super swell, but good. But I cannot focus on that at all. No matter how hard I try. Everyone tried to make me smile on my bday, but I just want to be like Brian Wilson and stay in bed. Forever.

I honestly do not know how I am going to make it through this whole month. Fuck, again.

And then there is all of this holiday bullshit. It is too much.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Happy Award

Mrs. Lovely gave me this lovely award!

I have been slacking on it not because I am ungrateful (I'm not!) but because I am not normally a very happy person (No, really, its true.) The rules of the award are linking back, giving out, you know the drill and listing 10 things that make you happy - and doing one today. So, I have found that this activity is much more easily done when you are in a good mood. Here is my list. I don't feel like being confined with numbers, so it is just a list.

  • Watching Ryder dancing or sleeping
  • Recycling
  • Understanding what Ryder says
  • Southern Comfort and a bit of ice
  • Music that corresponds to my mood
  • Being outdoors
  • The ocean and the mountains
  • Telling someone how my day went
  • Finishing work early
  • Getting new glasses
  • Shit my dad says
  • New pipettes
  • Good movies
  • Blog comments
So, to pass it along... Do I have to do this? I honestly would love to read everyone's list, so how about if you want to play along then grab that award up there and let's hear your 10 things!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

New to Me

You guys have probably already seen this, but for those of you who haven't, here it is.

I laugh everytime!