Tuesday, June 30, 2009

20 Things I Love


Angora GoatImage via Wikipedia

I want to make a short list of things that I love. In no particular order.

1. Weeds

2. Southern Comfort

3. Ryder

4. Goats

5. Sam Adams Summer Ale

6. Puzzle books

7. MBCR (Mass Bay Commuter Rail)

8. Dane Cook

9. Cheesecake

10. Dropkick Murphies

11. Irish boys

12. Pop art

13. Zemanta

14. Flip flops

15. Derby Wharf

16. Denver

17. Recycling

18. My dog

19. Will Farrell

20. Lost
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Totally Awkward Tuesday #3

My ex was coming for his supervised visit with my son, so I had four hours to kill. One of the things I miss most is being able to go to the movies. So my dad suggested we see a movie. Great!

I was dying to see the new Seth Rogen/Kevin Smith flick, Zack and Miri Make A Porno. Now, there should have been something in the title that would make me think "Hey, maybe this isn't the best movie to go to with your dad." But there wasn't. So, we went.

Okay. We are both adults, right? No problem, right? I was really cool about it, but even I noticed the awkwardness. My dad was absolutely oozing awkwardness.

Have you seen this movie? It is fairly graphic. And awesome! Did I mention awesome? I loved it. Its just not something I would suggest to my parents.

Anyways, afterwards, I tried to be as un-awkward as humanly possible. Tried to be totally nonchalant by asking how he liked it, but he was totally weirded out. I tried telling my mom that it was a good movie, but I think my dad was a bit shell-shocked.

Major Fail.

Now, go read Tova's awkwardness!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Adventures in Potty Training Part II

I have not given potty training updates because there have been none to be had. I honestly don't know if we are going forward, backward, or standing still. Let's figure it out together.

He was doing great at first. Really loved Once Upon A Potty and liked sitting on the potty. Then, he decided that he didnt want to read that book. Then he decided that he didnt want to sit on the potty at all.

I decided not to press the issue. I didnt want him to hate it because he was forced to do it. I would ask if he wanted to sit but he would say no. Now, he says no to everything, so at first I thought he was just giving his standard response, so I tried putting him on it anyways, but that just led to alot of screaming. For good or bad, I gave up a little bit. Id ask, but not insist.

Everytime he took a bath he took enjoyment in peeing in the tub. As soon as he sat down! I began asking him if he wanted to potty before he got in. But, of course he didnt because he wanted to pee in the tub.

Yuck. Do girls do this? I suppose it wouldnt be as easy to tell.

Somewhere along this time, I (read: my mom) got some stickers as incentives. At first I thought that I would give him a sticker for just sitting on the potty. But, he was too smart for me. He sat, got his sticker, and left. Then I told him that he had to actually use the potty to get a sticker. That just pissed him off.

No pun intended.

So, I guess that brings me to now. I made him sit on the potty before the bath. Before I even ran the water. Trying to outsmart him. Yes, my two year old. Its not as easy as it sounds. Anyways, he did sit. And he did pee. We had a little potty party. I told him that he could have a sticker after his bath, which I am confident he did not understand.

He still peed in the tub. C'est la vie.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

A Real Live Date??

I have not been interested in/flirty with/slept with anyone in quite a long time. I havent been with anyone since my ex-husband and even then not in the last couple of months we were together. So, its been a while.

I had forgotten how nice it is! There is this guy, lets call him Sam, that I have a date with! Okay, so he lives several states away, but Im thinking that maybe that is a good thing.

I know what your thinking, but its not some guy I met over the internet. I actually know him. We grew up together. He was my brother's best friend.

A little weird, but he has grown up into a very sexy man! Nice eyes, accent, charming...

But I digress.

At first I was all worried that I was texting him too much or IMing. Maybe I was annoying?? So, I was totally thinking "Okay, I will not text him for an hour." Yes, like a school girl.

Then I found out that he not only is interested, but has been since we were kids! That is good for the self-esteem! I call with confidence now.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

How To Tell If Your Significant Other Is On Drugs

1. Does your SO anger easily? If yes, continue.

2. Does your SO come home at night? If no, continue.

3. Does your SO have secretive private phone calls? If yes, continue.

4. Does your SO bring home strange people? If yes, continue.

5. Does your SO blow through money? If yes, continue.

6. Did your SO get fired from their job? If yes, continue.

7. Do you catch your SO in lies? If yes, continue.

8. Does your SO forget to buckle the baby in the car seat then giggle when confronted? If yes, continue.

9. Does your SO spend alot of time at their crackhead mother's house? If yes, continue.

10. Has the Department of Social Services paid you a visit and told you that your SO is on drugs? If yes, then your SO is definately on drugs.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

How To Declare Bankrupcy

1. Meet crappy man; marry him.

2. While caring for his infant, fail to notice him buying stupid things (e.g. drugs).

3. Kick him out.

4. Have car repossessed and sold at a fraction of what you owe.

5. Stop paying bills other than rent.

6. Spend thousands getting a divorce.

7. Spend $1500 getting lawyer for bankrupcy.

8. Gather every piece of information from the last five years (i.e. taxes, paystubs).

9. Do debt counseling.

10. Feel shitty.

11. Sign piles and piles of paperwork.

12. Take debt management class online.

13. Feel shitty.

14. Go to meeting with trustees at federal building smack dab in the middle of the day.

15. Sit and listen to ten people declaring bankrupcy who get to keep their house/car/boat.

16. Answer several questions under oath (e.g. age of child, property ownership).

17. Wait around for deadlines to pass.

18. Receive discharge papers in the mail.

19. Breathe a sigh of relief.

Totally Awkward Tuesday

Totally awkward tuesday is back! I have seriously been waiting all week so share this goodie with you!! I cant believe I didnt think of it the first time.

It was halloween, my upstairs neighbor was having a party and invited me. I could not say no. So, I grabbed my baby monitor (I know how to party) and headed upstairs.

When I got there I noticed she had cleaned. Alot. I made a comment that it was so clear that we could dance in one of the rooms. She was like "Ya..." So, the first guy shows up and we're just talking. She turns all of the lights down and lights candles. Kinda strange, but I figure that is how she rolls.

So she gets a phone call. She says into the phone "Who are you? I dont know who you are." Then continues to give this person directions to her house. I say to the fella next to me that that has never happened to me, someone I dont know calling me asking for directions. He says "Are you married or something?" And, technically, I was still married, but I didnt see how that had any relevance to the conversation.

She gets off of the phone and she and this other guy start talking about who is coming. They start counting off guys and girls. I thought it was weird. I was wondering if we were in high school or something, but wasnt gonna be rude and say so.

Finally, she looks at me and says "I should probably tell you something."


"We are in a certain kind of lifestyle."

Ok. I dont know what that means.

"We are swingers."

Oh my god. Why didnt she tell me that an hour ago?!? I didnt want to be rude and uncool and just run away, but then men start showing up! They said hi to me but I can see it in their eyes: "I am gonna fuck her."


I ran away. I mumbled some nonsense about hearing the baby or dog or something and ran back down to my house.

Now, go read Tova Darling's awkwardness!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Perfect Day

Yesterday started out a bit shaky but turned wonderful!! I was pretty hungover when Ryder woke me up at 6am. I dont know what he was thinking!

It was supposed to rain all weekend, but the meterologists forgot to tell the clouds to come around, so it was beautiful!! We went over to the galleries on Artist's Row. They have some new shows up. The art was great. I wish I had a house so I could have an art collection. Oh, yeah, and a bit of money too would help. The woman at one of the galleries had some crayons out, so we sat and watched Ryder color for a while. She was lovely. I think I will go over there more often.

I was so into the art work, I thought that we would go over to the Peabody Essex Museum to see the new shows over there. On our way, though, there was some kids playing in the fountain (there wasnt any water? where was it?) and thought Ryder might like to, as well. So we just hung out for a while and talked to some kids. Anyways, I decided it was too nice out to go to the PEM, so we started walking in the opposite direction. We stopped at CVS to get drinks and sat near some guy playing a guitar. We chatted with him a while and Ryder ran around a bit.

When we got home, there was a little boy in the window next door. Ryder and he were chatting away in their own little language. Actually, the other boy was speaking more Spanish than anything else, but maybe Ryder still understood. I just sat and listened. It was amazing. It was just like two old friends catching up.

Then we both took naps. I for 2 hours and Ryder for 4! We went back outside and chatted with our neighbors a bit. One of my neighbors is moving out so we are all pretty psyched and are making tons of plans for the yard and such. She is crazy (you'll hear more about her on Tuesday). For dinner we went over to the Derby Deli Cafe. It was really nice. The tide was high and all the boats were docked. I am so lucky to live so close to the harbor. I love watching the boats.

So, all in all, we didnt really do much, but it was so nice. I think the sun makes everything just a bit better.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Jimmy Fund Walk

I am so excited!! I just found out that my picture is on the Jimmy Fund Walk flyers!! Here is the pic that I think it is, though I am not sure yet.

By the way, if you want to help me by donating, here is the place to do it.

Thanks for your help! :D

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Totally Awkward Tuesday

I am totally inspired by Tova Darling's Totally Awkward Tuesday. So, here is my very own awkward story.

In college, I got into a bit of trouble (didnt we all?) On a certain tuesday, I was arrested for possession of marijuana. Unknown to me at the time, because I was arrested on campus they sent a letter home to my parents. Seriously. Jerks. Anyways, on the following friday, I was at a rave and accidentally got arrested a second time. Possession again. Oops.

So, I go home to sleep. My father wakes me up furious because he had just recieved the letter from the college about the first arrest. He says "You got ARRESTED?!?" And in my slightly intoxicated stupor I answer "Which time?" Perhaps the stupidest thing I have ever said in my life. Totally awkward.

Love documentaries, but why?

A few years ago, something happened that caused a bit post-traumatic stress disorder, but that is another blog for another day. Just a little bit of background. Anyways, I used to read the newspaper every single day. Every bit of it! And it would upset me so much. Anyone remember the aunt that walked into traffic with her niece and nephew? That bothered me for weeks. I had nightmares and such. So, I stopped reading papers. And started watching documentaries like it was my job. So, instead of reading an article about something disturbing, I watch 100 minutes of it. Why do I do this to myself?

I watched "Taxi to the Dark Side" on sunday. Wrecked my day, for sure. It is a great documentary. Its perhaps the most bipartisan account Ive watched. It is about the detainee abuse in Abu Gharib, GTMO, and other such prisons. I would recommend it if you are properly prepared, which I was not. It was incredibly depressing.

You know that Ill watch another soon. I cant get enough.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Rich Parents

In the Salem Gazette today there was a story about a preschool that is closing. It is the preschool at the House of Seven Gables. Now, there are only 20 children at this school and they mentioned how they are not from low class families. It is crappy that the school has to close, but the school people found other preschools in the area that are available and the YMCA has even decided to add another class to their schedule for these children. The parents are pissed. They are upset because they were not told the moment that the school decided to close. They are mad that the school found a list of schools before they told them. One parent said that there are openings in other schools in the city but it is hard to find a school that is small and close-knit that offers both half day and full day classes within the city.

Now, you must excuse me if I have zero sympathy for these people. Yes, it totally blows that the school that your child attends is forced to close. But, this school went out of its way to find openings and even got a whole other class opened for you. How angry would these parents be if they were not given this list? If they were just told "Good luck on your search"? And it is painfully obvious that the YMCA is not good enough for some people. Its not "close-knit" enough for them. I am thankful for my daycare. I wish I had the resources to send my son to a small, close-knit preschool, but its not in the cards. These people should be thankful for what they have.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Hazmat Drill

I am totally bummed. I am a member of the Hazmat team at my hospital and tomorrow morning at 4am there is a drill. I want to go so badly, but I dont have a babysitter. When I first heard about the drill, I was okay with knowing that I could not go because I had nothing to do with my son that early. My mom volunteered to drive down from Maine and watch him then take him to daycare so that she could then go to work. I can not ask her to do this. She is sick and not sleeping well. Its just one of my major limitations as a single mother. I feel like I just do not have someone to watch him, even for a short time.

My neighbors have been great and have him play over there for a short time in the evenings. Their daughter adores him. They are away this week, though. It is not often that I wish I had a babysitter, but when I do, I really really really do.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I should've known then

When Ryder was only three months old, my exhusband took him out. I don't remember his excuse now, but in retrospect, it was probably a drug related errand. What I do remember is that he brought Ryder into the house in his car seat. He set him down on the floor and I noticed that his belt wasnt buckled. I asked if he had been buckled in the car. My ex giggled and said "Whoops." I was pissed. I started yelling at him and telling him that he could have died. Andrew said I was overreacting, that he could not have died. I said that if there was a car accident he would have been thrown around the car. Andrew said there wouldnt have been an accident because he is a good driver.

The part that angers me is that he was not sorry that he had made a mistake. It is a mistake that most parents make (I assume, although I have not), but regret. He did not. It made me worry that he would do it again. And perhaps he did.

This episode continues to haunt me. I think about it often and I wish that I had left him that day. Of course I didnt. We were together for another couple of months before he went into the hospital for detox and DSS came knocking. Someday I hope I forgive myself.

Adventures in Potty Training: Part 1

I was quite certain that potty training was going to be a horrible failure. Ryder doesnt care if his diaper is dirty and I actually think that he would rather his diaper not be changed. So, not unlike Nemo's father, Merlin, I was sure that he would not be able to do it. Failed before he began.

That was before the magic of "Once Upon A Potty"! A coworker told me that it worked for her children so I was going to pick it up, then I found it among some books given to us. I read it to Ryder before bed one night and he loved it. He made me read it twice or thrice. Too many times, anyways. This continued for the next couple of nights. Then I thought we'd get into the serious stuff.

I gave him a bath and set up the potty in the mean time. After the bath I sat him on the potty and read him the book. He made me read it several more times. I dont know what the facination with the book is. I dont think it is that expecially interesting. Anyways, then he just went in the potty!! And then we partied!! Horray!

Before bed, we brushed his teeth and I suggested the potty a second time. He was all about it. I read the book several more times (I am unwillingly committing it to memory) and when he got up I saw that he used it again! Party number 2! He was so excited. He almost spilled it on himself trying to flush it - hehe.

He wasnt interested this morning, but our mornings are kind of a whirlwind. I am optimistic for tonight!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Sleep Paralysis

Dictionary.com defines sleep paralysis as "A condition in which, upon waking, a person is aware of the surroundings but is unable to move." Although relatively harmless it can be quite disturbing. I havent had it happen in quite a while now, but I did just now. It used to happen in college all of the time. I would wake up and think there were people in my room, but I wouldnt be able to move or talk. Finally I would be able to and I would go around asking people if they were in my room and would say no. So, I always assumed that I had dreamt it. Until I learned it was this sleep paralysis thing. I always thought it was weird, because the room, when this happened, was always just as it was (window open, light on, movie paused), but then there was this unreal part (people in the room).

Just now, I fell asleep on the couch and upon waking, the room was just as it is, but there was this music. It was clear as day. I cant remember the words now, but it was no song I've ever heard. The scary part about the whole ordeal is that I try so hard to move and wake myself up. I will think to myself that if I could only move my left arm, I could snap out of this unmoving state. So I try so hard and nothing happens.

I was just researching it a bit and they think that this is what happens when people say they are abducted by aliens or people think they are visited by witches. It is because in this state you hallucinate. Thankfully I have never had scary hallucinations like that. Also, I was reading that 50% of people experience an episode in their life. If you have never experienced it, I hope you never will.