When Ryder was only three months old, my exhusband took him out. I don't remember his excuse now, but in retrospect, it was probably a drug related errand. What I do remember is that he brought Ryder into the house in his car seat. He set him down on the floor and I noticed that his belt wasnt buckled. I asked if he had been buckled in the car. My ex giggled and said "Whoops." I was pissed. I started yelling at him and telling him that he could have died. Andrew said I was overreacting, that he could not have died. I said that if there was a car accident he would have been thrown around the car. Andrew said there wouldnt have been an accident because he is a good driver.
The part that angers me is that he was not sorry that he had made a mistake. It is a mistake that most parents make (I assume, although I have not), but regret. He did not. It made me worry that he would do it again. And perhaps he did.
This episode continues to haunt me. I think about it often and I wish that I had left him that day. Of course I didnt. We were together for another couple of months before he went into the hospital for detox and DSS came knocking. Someday I hope I forgive myself.