Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Motherhood

This week I have chosen Mama Kat's prompt:

Describe how motherhood has changed you.

Gosh, how hasn't motherhood changed me? It has changed me physically, emotionally, psychologically, and any other -lys that you can think of.

My whole concept of parenting has changed. I realize that you do not need a billion books and every item at Babies R Us to raise a child. I never realized before that one good parent is better than two shitty parents. Maybe this sounds obvious, but it wasn't. I realize now that all single moms are not just slutty teenagers. Getting divorced is not going to ruin a child's life forever.

I never understood how my mom could have missed all the iconic movies and bands from the '80s. She always told me that she didn't watch movies, she raised children. I understand that now. I've been to the theater three times in the last three years. I used to go every week.

A girl at work told me once that she doesn't go anywhere without her children. She said she didn't want to go anywhere without them. That sounded like crazy talk, but not any more.

I never understood why people were so crazy about drive-thrus and full serves. Really? Can they not walk the few feet into the store? Nope, sometimes you can't. I thank God for drive-thrus and full serves now.


I thought that once I had children going places was over. Traveling was out of the question. You simply could not travel with children. Now, I am planning trips that I never dreamed of before.

I now know that I am self-sufficient. I am able to provide for my child. I am able to parent alone. I am able to care for someone other than myself. I am able to stand up for myself and him.

I now understand how lionesses feel when they are protecting their cubs. When we were bringing him home from the hospital, I felt like every other car on the road was a potential enemy. I silently dared one of them to hit the car. I would kill them.

I am more patient and more forgetful. My mom says it is because I have different priorities now. Where I left the car keys isn't as important as where the diapers are. I always know where the diapers are.

Before I was a mother I wanted to move all over the place. I lived in Denver and for a while was planning on moving to London. I applied for jobs all over the country. Now I want to stay here. I want my son near his family. I want him to be able to go to Grandma's house on the weekends. Although I do not want to move any closer than I already am. Ninety minutes is close enough.

I never knew how strong love was. I never knew that I could love someone as deeply and as completely as I love Ryder. I never knew that children loved their parents so much. I do love my parents, but, well, I don't know. Somehow it is different. I never really knew someone could love me so unconditionally. Again, I know my family does, but I guess it is different coming from a child.

What makes me cry is different now. Before it was cheesy romances. The Notebook killed me. Now sick little kids on Grey's Anatomy cause me to positively weep.

I don't get to sleep in anymore and I try to stay up later. I try not to watch horror movies while he is awake. Although, sometimes I do. I have stretch marks that will remain my battle scars. Most of all what has changed is knowing how much motherhood will change a person. I never imagined that my life would be so different. I never imagined that one little tiny person would cause me so much joy and change my life in so many ways.

8 comments:

  1. Love it. Awesome post Raine. I think this is my favourite so far. Really well written and damn near made me cry. (Damn you!)

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  2. really great post.....mothers are a God send.....amazing.

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  3. What a great post, very nice !

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  4. This made me start to cry a little, not in a bad way. I may just be a little hormonal, but I'm also feeling very nervous at times about being a single mother and just how big of an idea it is to wrap my head around.

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  5. This is absolutely beautiful.

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  6. This is great! And I'm so with you on the weepy feelings while watching sick kids on tv. I'm way more of a sap than I used to be.

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