Wednesday, January 27, 2010

No, You Don't Belong Here

Have you ever seen SubUrbia? It's this great flick and one of the lines that always stands out is "No, you don't belong here." I was going to put the video up so you would no what I'm talking about but it's in the middle of a 10 minute video and I know we don't care enough.

Anyways, I have been trying to find my place. I've been trying to find people to connect with. People who know what I am going through. People who I can trust and maybe after time, have someone to pick my son up from daycare in an emergency. Or somewhere I can go and feel safe. Or maybe people who I can have some fun with.

It has been a major fail.

My ex was the one who made the friends. I did have my own friends, but they were all old friends. Granted, my friends have always been true friends and my ex's friends were always just mooching, but he could talk to people. He could become fast friends with anyone. That was, probably, his fatal flaw, but you see my point, right? He talked to people, I didn't.

So, being tossed out on my own for the first time in, well, forever, I find myself very lonely. I do have friends, but they all seem to be very far away. And when friends are far away, you can't see them all that often, and when you don't see them all that often you lose touch.

I have been on this mission impossible for quite some time now and it seems fruitless.

I should probably say now that I exclude my bloggy friends from this post. I have met some wonderful people who know what I am going through and are great listeners, but I can't come over to your house. You can't come over to mine.

First I started with, looking for mommy groups. I went on some play dates but they were all disasters. I had nothing in common with these women. I could not stand half of them and the other half didn't seem to need any new friends.

I met this woman through this support group I went to a few times. We hung out a few times, our kids played a few times, but honestly, I didn't really like her.

I don't feel like I belong at work. I am surrounded by smart, ambitious people. I am not ambitious. They all just work in my position for a couple of years then go on to graduate programs. Not me. I never really liked school in the first place. And I always feel like the bad kid. None of them ever did drugs or went home with strangers or got married on a whim or been arrested.

I tried going to a Unitarian Universalist church a couple of times. They were all perfectly nice people and they kept saying how welcoming they are, but I didn't feel particularly welcome. I chatted about the weather with a couple of people but no one took any interest in knowing me. Maybe I that was my job. I don't know.

I would try other churches but I don't "believe in God" so I just don't think a church is the place for me.

I never felt close to one side of my family but recent events made me feel even more like an outcast.

Recently I haven't even felt right in my own state. Massachusetts is supposed to be a liberal state. Why would they elect a Republican? When did everyone jump the fence? Sometimes I fear that the whole country is conservative. Then where would that put me?

I am an atheist liberal single mom of a toddler who works full time in the city. Where do I fit in?


  1. I always seem to relate to your post so deeply.....I lost all my "friends" a couple yrs ago when I left to go take care of my dying mother, they all got mad and exept for a couple all stopped talking to me....Im old and it is hard to reconnect to people in this world.....

    I think you seem to be a great person, Im sure you will connect soon enough, but I understand all the lonely feelings in the mean time...

    chin up my friend;)

  2. Somedays I just want to cry with you.

    Hugs to you, my friend.

  3. I can totally understand this. Sometimes you just don't feel like you "fit". If I lived near you, I would be on you like grass stains on a white sneaker!

    BTW, I went to three-columns too!

  4. I'm a liberal, buddhist single mom living in New Hampshire, working in Mass and paying taxes to a state government that I can't vote on. Everyone at my work is an engineer or some other high paying position and I really feel like I don't fit in. I am trying to finish my Bachelors but I feel like I should have already done that. And no one really understands what I go through.

    You aren't that far from me. Maybe we could get together sometime.

  5. I'm so shy that I've never been able to make many friends. It sucks. I've pretty much given up on it.
    I wish you luck. It's good that you are trying. Maybe when your child goes to school you'll be involved with other parents.


  6. Aww..I am sad...just coz' I want to go to Grad school doesn't mean we can't be friends :(
    PS: I'm your second anonymous comment person :)
    PPS: But I am still sad :(

  7. I've felt that way before, too. With the exception of my 3 roommates, I don't have many friends either. It's hard to meet people after everyone else moves away. (Especially a man! ahem... a DECENT man!)

    I am sending you a GIANT HUG. Oh, and my sister-in-law goes to a group called MOPS aka Mothers of Preschoolers. It's held at a church, but I don't know if it's Christian exactly, but I'm sure you wouldn't have to be one to go... Maybe they have a group like that where you live.

  8. hey I'm new and just reading this post and wow, I can relate...I have friends all over the U.S but not many here in my hometown and its like...u feel friendless and lonely and to top it off...a single feel so by myslef sometimes as well but I'm glad I found just one more person out there that feels the same sometimes...:)


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