Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Uncertain Future

This week's chosen prompt:

2.) When do you first imagine yourself wishing you were older or bigger? Write about it.  (

 First of all, that question hurts my head a little.  Is it asking when was the first time I wished I was older?  Is it asking when do I think I would've been wishing?  Or is it asking when in the future will you be wishing?  I am going to assume the first.  Although I am not, in a way, going to answer it.

When I was younger, I did not think that I was ever going to get older or bigger.  I remember specifically in first grade looking at the third graders and trying to imagine myself as one of them.  I could not.  Therefore, I came to the conclusion that I would never be a third grader.  That I would die before then. 

When I was in third grade, I remember looking at sixth graders and not being able to picture myself as one of them, therefore believing that I was going to die before sixth grade.

This continued on.  Every year I assumed that I was going to die that year, due to the sole fact that I could not picture myself older. 

I am not really sure when this ended.  I am not really sure it has.  It just doesn't seem possible that I could ever be, say, 50.  So, if I am not ever going to be 50, then surely I will die before then.  Makes sense, right?

I'm not sure I've ever told anyone this....

Mama's Losin' It


  1. seem to have cultivated the art of pessimism quite well quite young

  2. I know what you mean. I was convinced that I would never be 40. When that came and I was still here I was pretty relieved lol good post sweetie

  3. I know for me being 18 seemed like such a huge thing and I thought I would never be that age....I would look at college kids and think there life must be amazing....

  4. Wow, I think you're the first person who's ever thought of death as a possibility over reaching some age that seems unattainable.

    All I know is, the older I get, the older OLD gets.

    I laugh now when I was 15, and thought my oldest brother was ANCIENT at 30.

  5. Age is such a fickle thing. I'm almost 29. When did that happen? When I was 15, I assumed I'd be married with kids by this time. Now, I'm not even sure I want kids and even though I don't feel old, the number itself bothers me. I can't picture me being 30! But, I'm hoping I don't die before then. :P

  6. Well, just trust me : ) When you are 30 you will NOT want to be 35! It is staring me in the face and I am SCARED of it! :)

  7. That makes total sense to me. I wish I couldn't see myself older than I am lol

  8. WOW.

    You've got the whole art of pessimism down perfectly huh?

    Disturbingly, I find myself somewhat fascinated...

  9. I was the opposite - I imagined myself bigger and older all of the time. And I loved it. That is, until the clock struck 30. Now I can't see myself as 40. I think I'll just stay in my thirties indefinitely.

  10. I do the same thing.

    I don't think I've told anyone that either...

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  12. That last post didn't make any sense.

    I meant to say;

    If you'd ever doubted that none of us were adopted, you know it wasn't me or you. ;)

    I still tell Liz she was adopted. xD

  13. My combination of being high-anxiety and being very attached to the me of here and now (I don't like the idea of change but always adapt rather well) has me understanding exactly what you're saying.

    I got stuck reading and re-reading the question for a minute. Imagine? Do they mean remember imagining? *Head explodes*


Whatcha think?