Sunday, June 20, 2010

Can't Pick Your Family

I had been doing really well.  Really well.  You could probably tell by my lack of ranting.  For two weeks, I hadn't spoken to my mom.  I had talked to my sisters about false shit she'd been saying, but hadn't actually spoken to her.

Until Thursday.

I asked her what they were doing Friday.  She (kinda) invited us to a baseball game.  I told her that I would love to go, but didn't know if I could get out of work early. 

Friday my phone rings at 2pm and it's my mom.  She was bitching that she had been waiting outside my building for 45 minutes already waiting for me.  She tried calling a zillion times before but no one picked up.  I tried to explain that we'd all been working.  I panicked and told her I'd call her back.  I didn't know what to do.  I couldn't leave work early.  If I told her that she would either 1. leave and be pissed that she waited an hour for nothing or 2. wait and be pissed she had to wait longer, be late picking up my dad, and miss the first pitch.  I nearly started crying.  I didn't know what to do and the longer I didn't call her back, the longer she was waiting.

I felt like throwing up.

My coworker convinced me to call her and apologize but explain that I would be another 1.5 hours.  So I did.  She said "WHY?"  "Uh, because I, uh, have work to do.  We've been real busy."  Why does she think I can't leave work early for??  Because I am fucking WORKING!  Blah!  So she decided to wait.

When I could finally leave I was in such a hurry that I just grabbed my bag and ran out.  Not noticing that I left my phone and my Ipod sitting on my desk.  I didn't notice until we got to my house.  I started crying.  I was mad at her for making me rush and I was mad at myself for forgetting them.  It wasn't even a big deal, really, I hardly use my phone, anyways, but I felt like a fucking idiot for leaving them.  Of course my mom is all "Are you crying about the phone??"  That made me feels tons better.  *insert sarcasm*

Then she drives me all the way back to my work after the ball game to get my stuff.  How am I supposed to feel justified in being angry when she does something really nice like that?

Now I feel shitty again.  It was a relaxing weekend, but I have been angry the whole time.  I'm not even sure why.  I am just sad and angry.  Mostly, I think, it is because I was doing better and now I'm not.


  1. I'll just repeat what a very wise girl tells me often...its OK to be sad and angry anyone and for any reason (or even no reason ;))!

  2. Sounds like a little more communication is needed. You did tell her that you didn't think you could get out of work early...did she just assume you could that afternoon?

    You shouldn't feel bad, it's not all your fault that there was some miscommunication.

    Deep breath.

  3. You told her you didn't know if you could get out of work early. She should have called you the night before to confirm if you could or not instead of just showing up and being pissed that you weren't there. You have a job to do and sometimes that takes priority over baseball. Not your fault Raine. And it's ok to cry about forgetting your phone, I probably would too.. it's just another layer of shit on a day that was kicking your ass. Sometimes, life kicks you to your knees and the only thing you can do at the moment is cry and get it out!


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