Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Good Friends?

If I am traveling down the wrong path and you are my friend and tell me so, then I understand when you don't want to watch me fuck up. But if later I realize my fallacy and call you asking for your help, then I think a good friend should be there for you.

I think it is the same for parents. Say you tell your daughter not to go to that party but she does anyways, would you not go running to her if she called asking for your help?

I guess this sorta happened to me. When I first started dating my ex, a couple of my friends sat me down and they expressed their concerns, mainly that he did too many drugs. But truth be told, I was doing just as much as he was, if not more, so their argument made no sense to me. They stopped hanging out with me, which I understood and did not think less of them for.

I got married and they didn't as much as RSVP and that angered me. The least they could have done is said they weren't coming. But they didn't, so I wrote them off. Then I met up with one of them when I first separated from him.  She was all "We should hang out" and of course never returned any of my phone calls.  I needed friends.  I wrote them off a second time.

The latest run in with these people occurred on facebook, of course.

Raine:  iTunes is my sworn enemy

S:  oh no!

Raine:  if iTunes had a face, I would punch it

S:  k, what did it do?

Raine:  i tried installing the new iphone4 software for my ipod. it didnt work, it said i needed to update my itunes. i try to install itunes and it says quicktime wont install. so i installed quicktime separatly and it still didnt work. so ive tried a couple other things that the apple website suggested, short of uninstalling itunes, and it still hasnt worked. i just uninstalled quicktime and tried again and it still isnt working. says it cant install quicktime. any ideas?

S:  get a new ipod?

S:  no wait, an Ipad. Blow your kids college fund on the latest toy so you can be cool. 

Okay, so silly me I thought she was actually going to help me with my problem, not insult me.

But anyways, I didn't actually come here to rant.  I have just been reflecting on qualities of a good friend.  What triggered it was this:  my gf has a friend who did a lot of things that she disagreed with.  A lot of life altering decisions that she now realizes is wrong.  The friend called my gf for help.  My gf is jumping to help her, but at the same time sorta thinks, you got yourself into this mess.  I think that should all be forgotten, forget about the woulda, coulda, shouldas and focus on remedying the situation at hand. 

But then, I forgive and forget very easily and I pride myself on being nonjudgmental, so I shouldn't pass judgment on my gf and her feelings.


  1. I don't necessarily think it's inconsistent or wrong to think, "you got yourself into this, why am I here?" while still jumping to help. Feelings exist, thoughts exist, and it *is* frustrating to warn someone, then watch them fall apart, and then be called upon to pick up the pieces. Doesn't mean you don't help. And doesn't mean you lecture them about it. But I sure think those thoughts sometimes, too!

  2. Depends how many times a friend has been called in to pick up the pieces. After a while, it might feel less like friendship and more like using. I agree with not being judgemental. That seems like an unnecessary add-on.

  3. Yeah, sometimes friendship is hard. Friends should help you through things too. I guess it's a personal choice as to how much you "can put up with".. I don't know. I tolerate a lot usually.


Whatcha think?