Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Beethoven and Panic Attacks

A lot of people have never had panic attacks, and if you have never had one, it is extremely difficult to understand them.  Something happens inside my mind that I have never been able to describe.  I have often tried to explain it as my thoughts get physically bloated, somehow.  See, that makes no sense.

I was listening to Radiolab, and they were discussing time.  It was fascinating.  To begin and close the program they play excerpts from Beethoven's ninth symphony stretched to 24 hours.  At first I thought it was relaxing, just these beautiful long notes, but then the music starts building.  You are waiting for the climax, waiting, waiting.  Time slows way down while you are waiting for the music to just go over the top of the mountain.  The anticipation kills you.  The music builds and almost physically gets fatter.  You just need the music to climax so that you can relax again and enjoy the notes.  But it takes forever.

This is sorta what my panic attacks feel like.


  1. You've described this perfectly.

  2. I used to get panic attacks off and on for a couple years. I had to get home or else. Or else what? Who knows. I understand panic attacks and you are correct that the person who has never had one is unable to understand even the best explaination. I have grown out of them, I guess. The most fortunate thing, besides nor having them anymore, is to find someone who acceprs this in you even tho they have never had one. Prayers.

  3. I'm not sure if they were "panic attacks" but when I was at my former job, when I would get super stressed out, I couldn't see straight, my head would pound and I would be soo dizzy. It would eventually pass but it would sometimes happen frequently during the "really stressed out" phase.

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