Monday, September 27, 2010


I don't know if I can do this any more.

Today has been one panic attack after another - or have they all been part of one big one?

My pain is so much worse and I am out of Vicodin.

I get anxiety induced nausea and it was the worst ever this morning when I was in the bathroom, seconds from vomiting and the only thing I could think of was that I cannot puke up my last Vicodin.

Work was terrible for all these reasons plus it was shitty in it's own way.  I do not take to being yelled at lightly.  That woman is fucking lucky she is old, just sayin'.

I am exhausted.  Like Mono exhausted.  It is insane.

I am petrified of surgery Wednesday.  So very scared.  You would think I'd be less scared than last time, now I know what to expect and it is less invasive, but no, I am fucking petrified.

I don't know what to do about Ryder.  He is so tired when he comes home, now that he's back in school.  So tired and so miserable and so am I.

I don't like complaining.  I don't like hearing myself complain.  Writing it down makes me feel better.


  1. I wish I had good advice, but all I have are good thoughts and hugs.

  2. hi m'lovely,
    keep strong! you are a beautiful person who deserves to be happy.
    I wanted to thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog during the love bombing a while ago. Sorry it's taken so long to reply - things've been a wee bit chaos as I'm sure you can appreciate.
    Take care love

  3. Im n ot sure how to help, other than let you know Im thinking of you and sending hugs :)

  4. Another day. It will be ok.

    Like the song, "Everything's gonna be alright. So no woman, no cry." :)


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