I don't know if I can do this any more.
Today has been one panic attack after another - or have they all been part of one big one?
My pain is so much worse and I am out of Vicodin.
I get anxiety induced nausea and it was the worst ever this morning when I was in the bathroom, seconds from vomiting and the only thing I could think of was that I cannot puke up my last Vicodin.
Work was terrible for all these reasons plus it was shitty in it's own way. I do not take to being yelled at lightly. That woman is fucking lucky she is old, just sayin'.
I am exhausted. Like Mono exhausted. It is insane.
I am petrified of surgery Wednesday. So very scared. You would think I'd be less scared than last time, now I know what to expect and it is less invasive, but no, I am fucking petrified.
I don't know what to do about Ryder. He is so tired when he comes home, now that he's back in school. So tired and so miserable and so am I.
I don't like complaining. I don't like hearing myself complain. Writing it down makes me feel better.