Sometimes I go weeks without even a passing thought about him. Then there are times when someone says something, or I look at Ryder a certain way and it reminds me of his father.
I try to be nonchalant about it, like I am totally cool with talking about him. Like, whatever, he's in the past, I don't care. But secretly it hurts.
It is hard to describe the feeling. I obviously still love him, somewhere deep deep deep where I can't see it, but I OBVIOUSLY never want to see him again. Not even for a moment. Honestly, the prospect of seeing him scares me. He is very manipulative. I never want to doubt myself again.
I guess the feeling I get is nostalgia. I miss what we had. I am sad that it didn't work out.
I was always afraid of the label "divorcée" but seriously, I love saying "My ex-husband." It makes me feel like Elizabeth Taylor or something.