Thursday, September 23, 2010

Damn Feelings

Sometimes I go weeks without even a passing thought about him.  Then there are times when someone says something, or I look at Ryder a certain way and it reminds me of his father.

I try to be nonchalant about it, like I am totally cool with talking about him.  Like, whatever, he's in the past, I don't care.  But secretly it hurts.

It is hard to describe the feeling.  I obviously still love him, somewhere deep deep deep where I can't see it, but I OBVIOUSLY never want to see him again.  Not even for a moment.  Honestly, the prospect of seeing him scares me.  He is very manipulative.  I never want to doubt myself again.

I guess the feeling I get is nostalgia.  I miss what we had.  I am sad that it didn't work out.

I was always afraid of the label "divorcée" but seriously, I love saying "My ex-husband."  It makes me feel like Elizabeth Taylor or something.


  1. Isnt it funny how the past keeps a bit of our soul...just a bit, a tiny piece....creeping in when we least expect it/..


  2. I get this, for what it's worth.

  3. Just remember that you got to keep the best part of him.

    And divorcée sounds oh so french, that it has to be a good thing. :)

    When people found out I was divorced they would say they were sorry. I used to ask them why, I wasn't.

  4. I totally understand. My first husband and I were together for 21 years. That's a lot of time to spend with one man. When I was alone and missing him, I would just remind myself of how he could REALLY be and that would bring me back fast! *hugs*


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