Things have been tough around here, but I got my meds upped so maybe things will get better.
I have survived a lot. I have survived lies, drugs, abuse, parenting, bankruptcy, eviction, repossession, divorce, and more court appearances any one person should have to handle. But sometimes I feel like that is enough. I don't have the strength to go any farther. I don't have the courage.
Sometimes when I watch a movie or read a book where the protagonist has or is enduring some serious shit, I don't understand why they don't kill them selves. I just watched Rachel Getting Married and it was a great flick, but if I killed my little brother and didn't feel wanted by my family, I think suicide would be a viable option.
Why do I think this? I know when this enters my mind that it is fucked up. What does it say about me? Probably nothing good.
I should put a little meter on my side bar over there keeping track of how shitty I sound. As someone reads a post it goes up and down.
Okay that's stupid. I may edit. But stream of conscience is my shtick. I digress.
People don't commit suicide in movies. Not successfully anyways. Maybe its a bad story ending. Maybe no one wants to see someone survive for 100 minutes to just swallow a bunch of pills. I don't know. What do I know anyways?