Thursday, March 24, 2011

Too Much

Today's prompt is to share a journal entry. I was gonna jump on this. I have tons of journals. I went home and thought about going through some when it occurred to me that I ought to wait until Ryder goes to bed. Surely something is bound to make me cry. Not a fan of crying in front of my kid. So I waited and promptly forgot about it. Next day was the same story. Finally last night, I was going to do it. Ryder went to play next door so I'd have a bit of time to myself.

I grabbed the journal that was lying on my bed. Nothing too recent since I'm sure I blogged about everything I wanted to share already. I flipped to the front. I stopped randomly. It was too sad.

December 2004. The Sox had won the World Series. Bush had been elected for a second term. My husband had left me. I was all alone in Denver. I had a couple of friends, but god knows I don't hang around people when I'm in the hole. I was drinking and smoking too much. Drinking and driving like it was the only way. I didn't care. A good car accident would probably help things, right? Couldn't possibly get worse, right? Well, thankfully it didn't, but it certainly could have.

I could not even read the entry. The first paragraph is all I could get through. Then I realized, they'd all be like that. I only write down bad things. I write things so I can get them out of my head. Not unlike Dumbledore's pensieve. I didn't want to write happy things because I wanted them to stay with me. I needed them. Sure, when I was a kid I wrote happy things down... maybe I should've tried them first...

Anyhow, I'm not going to share. I guess I kinda did. Either way, it still inspired me, somewhat.

Mama’s Losin’ It


  1. I feel your pain! Stopping by from Mama Kat's

  2. I've always been a terrible journal keeper. Heck I have a hard time convincing myself to use a pencil for anything. I'm not good about getting my sad thoughts out of my mind either. Even blogging doesn't do that for me because my blog is funny. Always. Or mostly. The only thing that helps me is a good long cry. The ugly, blubbery sort that ends with puffy eyes and a migraine. Guess everyone has their thing. Stopped by from MK's to say hi!

  3. I don't really write things down I guess. Unless it's a blog entry. Or an email to a friend. I guess that's my form of journaling. Though, I'm trying to keep track of what I eat every day and how I'm feeling for when I do eventually get in to see the Rheum.


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