<p>Another summer is coming to a close and I feel like mine was not complete. Which is ridiculous. I went to Canada, North Conway, camping, swimming, hiking, letterboxing, and went on a few dates. What is wrong with me? </p>
<p>I feel like we didn't go to the pool enough, so I desperately want to go this weekend, but there is a friggin hurricane coming. </p>
<p>I think it stems from plain old mommy guilt. I work all week, then I try to spend time outdoors on the weekend. That's really all I get with him, the weekends, and that makes me feel shitty. To top that off, Ryder goes to summer school, so this is his real first week off, just to start again in two weeks. His school is only 10 hours a week and he loves it, but I still feel guilty. I hated school and I assume everyone else does to.</p>
<p>He is such a happy boy. He loves everyone and he does way more than I got to do when I was young, yet I constantly worry I am not enough.</p>
<p>Speaking of that, every once in a while I get so angry that I don't receive child support. I do fine by myself, but I find myself dreaming how life would be with an extra $100 a week. I could get the internet at home. Buy a new (used) car that I could love. I see fathers who pay child support and struggle a bit. Yet Ryder's father gets off scott free. And the amount he owes is so large that that amount makes no difference what it is. What's the difference between a hundred and a million when you are getting nothing? That makes me angry.</p>
<p>That covers guilt and anger. I have, actually, been happy lately. I am staying busy and have had some adult time lately. Man how I've missed adult time.</p>
Summers are not long enough. Weekends are not long enough. Days are not long enough.