Thursday, September 1, 2011

First Panic Attack

I think of the day of my first panic attack as the day that I was born. I was between 4 and 6 years old. I have no idea what the date or even the season was, but I remember the panic attack. I feel like that was the day that changed everything. The day panic seized control of my life.

I was lying in bed. I believe that I had just woken up. I was staring at my wallpaper. It was some kind of kid wallpaper that you would put in a nursery. Slowly I felt my head getting smaller while my extremities grew enormously. They were going to get so big that I would not be able to lift them. In my mind's eye there was a hammer on the wallpaper. Bang. Bang. Bang. It was banging, rhythmically, in my head. I had no idea what was going on. I would not find out what went on until well into college. I believe I laid there for quite sometime before it subsided enough to get up. I tried telling my parents but I did not have the words to express how I felt.

It was so scary, not unlike the panic attacks I have now.


Mama’s Losin’ It

7 comments:

  1. Mine's not so much anxiety as it is depression. But it feels similar in some respects.

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  2. I cannot even imagine having a panic attack so young. Mine didn't start until my 30's and are almost always circumstantial.

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  3. I agree with Alyssa, I cannot imagine being so young and having panic attacks You poor little girl!

    Mine did not come on until I was post-partum, nearly five years ago and my head has not been straightened out ever since.

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  4. What an awful experience for you at such a young age.
    I've been fortunate to have very few of those. Mostly they happen at the DMV. They probably happen to everyone at the DMV.

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  5. Oh my goodness Raine! That is very scary! I haven't seen you in a while. Your comment at SITS was so sweet. I can't believe how much your son has grown. Wow.

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  6. I have had panic attacks and cant imagine one so young. They are quite terrifying. Dont know if you are open to it, but meditation worked wonders to me. I also recently came across a great blog that talks about yoga and meditation that may help. zen-chakra.blogspot.com Hope this helps. Have a grea weekend!

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