Thursday, September 1, 2011

First Panic Attack

I think of the day of my first panic attack as the day that I was born. I was between 4 and 6 years old. I have no idea what the date or even the season was, but I remember the panic attack. I feel like that was the day that changed everything. The day panic seized control of my life.

I was lying in bed. I believe that I had just woken up. I was staring at my wallpaper. It was some kind of kid wallpaper that you would put in a nursery. Slowly I felt my head getting smaller while my extremities grew enormously. They were going to get so big that I would not be able to lift them. In my mind's eye there was a hammer on the wallpaper. Bang. Bang. Bang. It was banging, rhythmically, in my head. I had no idea what was going on. I would not find out what went on until well into college. I believe I laid there for quite sometime before it subsided enough to get up. I tried telling my parents but I did not have the words to express how I felt.

It was so scary, not unlike the panic attacks I have now.


  1. Mine's not so much anxiety as it is depression. But it feels similar in some respects.

  2. I cannot even imagine having a panic attack so young. Mine didn't start until my 30's and are almost always circumstantial.

  3. I agree with Alyssa, I cannot imagine being so young and having panic attacks You poor little girl!

    Mine did not come on until I was post-partum, nearly five years ago and my head has not been straightened out ever since.

  4. What an awful experience for you at such a young age.
    I've been fortunate to have very few of those. Mostly they happen at the DMV. They probably happen to everyone at the DMV.

  5. Oh my goodness Raine! That is very scary! I haven't seen you in a while. Your comment at SITS was so sweet. I can't believe how much your son has grown. Wow.

  6. I have had panic attacks and cant imagine one so young. They are quite terrifying. Dont know if you are open to it, but meditation worked wonders to me. I also recently came across a great blog that talks about yoga and meditation that may help. Hope this helps. Have a grea weekend!


Whatcha think?