Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Among my other diagnoses, I am afflicted by seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.). As if the others weren't enough. That link brings you to the Mayo site and it has some good information. This basically means that winter and the holidays cause depression within me. It is coming on strong.

My birthday is this week and that really begins the horribleness. It is the first day of December and, of course, December reminds me of the horrible holiday season. Along with this, my birthday always fucking sucks. Surprise parties that I begged not to have, broken promises, being alone, restraining orders, crying. Suck suck suck. This year my boyfriend and I are going to have fun F1 racing (I wish I could say I got paid for saying that.) It sounds fun but the more I think about it, the more scared I become of it.

My car's exhaust is broken. The damn thing sounds like an F1 racer already. My mechanic is all the way up in Maine so it is such a hassle every. single. time. And this exhaust? has been fixed 3 times in the past 2 years. Yup. FML.

I can't go into stores in December, they give me panic attacks. So I thought I would get everything done before Thanksgiving. Try to stave the madness off. But, as you know, the best laid plans of mice and men. A couple of the gifts are not happening, or are and I am stressed out about it. I still need to go to the stores. I still need to medicate myself before that can happen.

Every year, I never really worry about a tree because we don't spend Christmas at my house. This year is going to be different. We are staying home for Christmas. At least the morning of. I always thought it would be very sad just Ryder and I opening gifts. But then I decided that this is my family, as small as it might be. We would enjoy the holiday in the comfort of our own home. Enjoy our own tree. And hopefully my boyfriend will join us as well. I am happy about staying home and extremely sad at the same time. It is what it is, but that doesn't stop me from crying about it.

My plan at the beginning of the year was to plan on going snowboarding a lot this winter. That was going to be my light. Even that can't shine bright enough. Not today, at least.

What are you doing to keep away the winter blues?


  1. I know several people with S.A.D. and they swear by SAD Lights.

    I, however, love the winter. Summer sucks.

  2. Hit "post" too quickly. What I meant to add was that I seem to have a version of SAD, but I get that way when it's over 70 degrees.

  3. :( Stupid SAD and black hole. I'd like to kick it in the face.

  4. The holidays can be very stressful. Can't imagine having seasonal affective disorder on top of it all. I loathe Christmas shopping and thank god for online shopping.
    Thank you for stopping by my blog!

  5. I prescribe sprinkle cupcakes, a glass of wine and live tweeting of Prep and Landing Ryder style. You know, the first thing that pops into your heads. :)

    Don't let the season get you down, one day at a time, it's just another day.

  6. I like the rain, not the sun, especially HOT summer that makes ur legs rub together.. Yuck! Try not celebrating it! Be in your own world, it's more fun, I don't celebrate it and I'm glad!! I have a big family and I spend some te trying to seclude myself from them. If you want a big family, I'll give u mine;)


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