Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What Is Going On Here?

With the holidays approaching, my mind turns to the presents I need to buy. Then I wonder how in the hell I will be able to buy said gifts. It is the 8th of the month and I still haven't paid rent. How can I catch up enough in the next few weeks? Guess we're going to dip into savings again.

I am planning on keeping gifts to a minimum this year. Try to knit a few things. Buy Ryder some much needed clothing instead of a bunch of toys, which he doesn't need. Of course I'll get him something to play with!

This then leads me to thinking about how much it costs me to get to work. Between daycare, the train pass, and parking, it is so much money. It makes me wonder why I come at all.

I called the Dept. of Revenue yesterday to find out about all the child support I have not received. They have no information. Just running his social daily. It is all that can be done. It really is not fair. I am struggling and raising our son, while he's doing god-knows-what. He is a fucking asshole.

Then I start thinking about how much I hate my job. I make just enough to mostly make it through, week by week. I have no idea what I would want to do, though. It's hard to look for a job when you don't know what you are looking for. So I do not look. I just try not to think about it. I just stay where I am and try not to complain too much.

I am stuck in a rut. Things need to change, but I do not know how to change them. I'll just sit here and cry, that'll probably help.


  1. Last year I was able to get about 2/3 of Christmas shopping done throughout the year with Groupons and Half Off Depot and bunch of other daily deal websites. This year: not a single gift that way, so Christmas spending is going to kick my ass.

    Feel better, please. We're here to listen, if that helps. I am, anyway.

  2. I don't even want to think of Christmas yet. Sometimes I just want to skip it.

  3. Christmas time is tough, especially when finances are tight. We are finding ways to make it a great Christmas that doesn't cost too much. We sold things on Craigslist and used our rewards points on the credit card to help with the costs. But no matter what, your baby won't remember what he got, but the time he spent with his mommy will be priceless.

  4. Derek & I only buy presents for our parents and each other. It's just too much money, plus everyone really has what they already need. Instead, with the money I save from now buying presents for everyone I've ever met, I am able to send gift cards to people who need it. That is something I much prefer than buying a gift for someone who doesn't need it and probably won't even like/use it.


Whatcha think?