Thursday, December 27, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Just found out that my daycare will be closed the 26th as well as the 24th and 25th. I don't know what to do about work. I think I'll just have to stay home, but they are not going to like that. What is a girl to do, though?
Ryder started karate classes Saturday and he will be going every Saturday til the end of time. (Which is actually Friday, I hear?) He really likes it and I think it will be really good for him.
What else? Oh, yeah, wrapping, dry cleaning, baking for party, buying stocking stuffers, work, a lot of driving, school stuff. I've got a lot going on, some of it better than others. It is not easy, but I am going to try to go slow and not stress out too too much.
Friday, December 14, 2012
I letterbox. What it is in a nutshell is a treasure hunt. The treasure is a box with a hand-carved stamp in it. You stamp it in your logbook and you stamp your personal stamp in it's logbook. The clues are up at Atlas Quest and Letterboxing North America. It is all good fun.
Anyways, on AQ, you can trade letterboxing trading cards (LTCs). Basically a baseball card, but with a hand-carved stamp instead of a baseball player. Then you trade them with other people.
Well, sometimes, when you mail your LTCs in a padded envelope, the post office doesn't cancel the stamps. Then you reuse the envelope. I then reuse the stamps, but apparently there are a lot of people who do not. They say it is stealing from the post office and ultimately we end up paying more for postage. All that is fine (and probably true) but I still reuse the stamps.
Here is the thing, I think the USPS dropped the ball here and it would be a shame to throw away perfectly good stamps. Someone mentioned that you would never steal a $2.00 jug of milk from a grocery store. To that I say, firstly, if I had to for my family, I would (I guess that is the Breaking Bad excuse.) But secondly, I would not steal it, but if I went through the check out and they did not ring it up, I would not go back to the store to pay for it. That, I suppose, is the same thing as stealing, but I wouldn't go back to pay for it.
Another argument against reusing is perhaps the USPS has invisible ink that only its computers can see. To this I say "Bollocks." There is no way the USPS would have that kind of technology, plus it would be useless. Why not just use the visible ink?
So, I was wondering where you stand on this issue, if you made it this far through the post. Would you reuse stamps?
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
But online is great! I can easily find the lowest price instead of having to look all over town.
I was really stressed out about it though. I wanted to make sure I ordered everything so that they would get to me by Christmas. As it is, there is one gift that I am not 100% sure will get here on time. (Damn you Groupon and your excellent deals!) And there is one gift that I needed by the 15th, which thankfully showed up already.
So shopping is the worst of it, but there was the tree too. My son kept asking me when we could put it up. We finally did this past Sunday. OH! and cards! I haven't mailed out our cards yet! I have bought the stamps though, so that is something.
Anxiety is at an all time high in December. I need to remember to use my happy lights. Hopefully it can help keep away the anxiety and S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder).
Sunday, December 2, 2012
We played some games, went to the Rainforest Cafe, made some recycled crayons, played some mario party 6. We had a great time.
Sunday night. 6:00 PM. I am done. I am so mentally exhausted that I just feel like tearing out my brain. Physically I am fine. I got more than enough sleep, but mentally I feel like I was hit by a train. But somehow I have to keep going.
He was a good boy all weekend, considering he is five. So it wasn't perfect, but who could expect that. He was good. Still bedtime could not get here soon enough.
I love him so much. But sometimes bedtime is my favorite time. And these are the times that I feel like a terrible mom. When all I can think about is "When will he ever let me alone."
I know this is normal but it doesn't assuage the guilt.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
I am grateful for my friends and family's support. They are great. They support me no matter if it is a hard day at work or if i am trying to apply to grad school. My friends and family are my best cheerleaders. They believe in me when I do not. They trust in me when I do not. They know I can do it when I do not.
Even my five year old has more faith in me that I do in myself most of the time. He loves me unconditionally even when I don't like myself very much.
My boyfriend is so good with compliments. It may be hard for me to take a compliment, but I am forever grateful that he gives them.
I may not have many friends, but the ones I do have are dear. I appreciate every one of them, even if I do not tell them enough.
My family has always been there with me. Through everything I've been through, my family has been my rock. Always there to lean on.
I am grateful to these people in my life. I should tell them more often.
Monday, November 19, 2012
You know I love Halloween and you probably noticed that it is over. Here in Salem, costumes are worn year-round. You don't need a holiday for an excuse to dress up.
Eden Fantasys has costumes that you are going to want to wear year-round. Inside. It would get awfully chilly outside in these outfits. Right now select outfits are 25% off! Check out the school girl:
Thursday, November 15, 2012
It is cold outside again, so that means knitting!
I have finished a few hats already. Sorry no pictures. I'm a slacker. Maybe later. And I am working on another one for my sister's brother in law.
My phone takes shitty pictures, but there is my most current hat. It is a much nicer color than it looks. I work on it on the train mostly. I should have it done by Thanksgiving, or at least that is my goal.
I just started working on mittens for myself, too. They are brown alpaca wool. They are going to be the best mittens ever. Hopefully they are done before Spring ;)
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
When you log in, the first page is your profile. Here it is easy to see your Influenster score, your badges, and your fun file, which lists your current VoxBoxes. Do you know about these things? If you qualify, they send you a box full of goodies. All that is mandatory is that you check the box into the website, then fill out a survey at the end sharing how you felt about each product. There are other fun things to do, mostly sharing your favorite products on your social networking sites. And the great thing about it is that you only are asked to share products that you truly like. None of this trying to say something nice about a product you are not crazy about.
Back to the website. Once you click on you current VoxBox, it is easy to see what tasks you can do and it clearly shows you what you have completed by putting a big check next to the task.
What I am not crazy about is the product reviews and information. I feel like if you click on your VoxBox under your fun file, you should have a link to the product information from there. It just makes sense to me. Instead you have to click the heading "Reviews" and then the VoxBox that the product came in. It is by no means difficult, but a little counter-intuitive to me.
That is all, if you want to join you just need to go to Influenster.com to request an invite.
I was not paid in any way for this review. Only the promise of a neato badge that goes on my profile. All opinions are my own.
I get the chills a lot. I feel like a lot of things speak to me. I watch a lot of animated shorts that I find on Boing Boing and they are usually so amazing that they give me chills. Same thing with videos of people proposing. Shit. The chills and tears. For every. single. one.
But what gives me the chills daily is my boyfriend's touch. Every morning he rubs my back as I am trying to get up and it makes me just want to sit there all day. It is truly amazing. His hands are big and strong and, apparently, magical. His hands are full of warmth and love. They remind me of a nice warm blanket on a cold day. They make everything okay.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Beautiful Skin - the newest and easy to use two-step range of everyday skincare cleansers and moisturizers, tailored to your specific skin type eliminating the need for toners. Products are color-coded, making it easy to find just the right products for your skin type: Normal/Oily (Pink), Normal/Dry (Green) and Dry/Very Dry (Lilac)
I received a day and a night cream. I put the day one on in the morning and then wash it off. The night cream I put on just before bed and leave it on throughout the night. It has made my face noticeably brighter. My face is definitely less dry than before and a little patch of excema that I had has gone away. It's nothing short of a miracle.
My boyfriend LOVES the smell. He commented once that my face smelled delicious. I have to admit that worried me a little bit :)
I think the price of $8.49 is reasonable on such a great cream. You can buy it on their website. Let me know how you like it!
I received this complimentary in my VoxBox, but all of the opinions are my own.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Back to the candy: Ryder got a ton during the Grand Parade at the beginning of the month. Then the following day he went trick or treating at the businesses on Essex Street.
Here he is as Foofarine (Wolverine to those not well versed in Kindergartener.)
It was a good time! This Sunday we will be getting candy at Salem State University. They have lots of free activities for the kids. It was fun last year so I am hoping for nothing less.
Finally the anticlimactic end to the month is, of course, Halloween. It is next Wednesday, in case you weren't aware. I am leaving work a little early because the roads around my house close and I would like to get home. I have some people coming over, which is fun in my little apartment. Then we will all go trick or treating. This year we will have a baby with us, I hope she dresses up too! Then, after we steal some of the candy from the kids (a tax, if you will) we will walk around downtown with the thousands of other people. We'll see great costumes and hopefully take some great photos for you!
Halloween is coming! Show us what your kids will be wearing.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Today is World Mental Health Day with a focus on depression.
If you have been around here for any amount of time you know that I suffer from depression. I have been depressed for my entire life. I don't remember a time before it. It has gotten really bad before when I have hurt myself or had thoughts of suicide. Fortunately, I am much more stable now with my daily medications, biweekly therapy sessions, and my loving, supportive family. I worry about my son because he is two to three times more likely to develop it because I have it. It is not something I should worry about, though, because I cannot change his genetics. I can just try and support him in any way possible.
World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH) has some great information on both World Mental Health Day and depression. People all over the world and in every culture suffer from depression. It is estimated to affect 350 million people, but fewer than 25% have access to treatment. Ethiopia, for instance, has only 26 psychiatrists for its 80 million people. Some countries only have a single psychiatrist. We need to expand education and awareness to people worldwide. We also need to make treatment available to all.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Who even knew that I would like soap so much? A new found love? A new item to collect? SheaMoisture Baby Bar Soap is definitely a new addition. I love the smell of the all natural ingredients!
As in my previous soap review, I was a little skeptical when I opened the box. I don't, generally, use bar soap, but I thought I would give it a go. The dark brown color of the soap also made me hesitant, but once I opened it, I smelled the wonderful scent. I wish I could describe it to you, but honestly, I am no good at that.
I have very dry, sensitive skin. I am also susceptible to eczema. This soap is "formulated with a special blend of unrefined, "raw" shea butter, argan oil, chamomile extract, frankincense and myrrh" which helps soothe eczema and keeps your skin moisturized.
I haven't gotten Ryder to try it yet partly because of its color and partly because he is fond of his liquid soap. I just have to get him to smell it and I am sure he will want to smell pretty too!
You can pick up this and a bunch of other SheaMoisture products at your local Target. At $4.99 a bar, it is a little pricey, but considering it is all organic, it is not that bad.
Disclaimer: I recieved this product complementary through the Naturals VoxBox program through Influenster. All opinions are my own.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Take this morning, for instance. I did not want to get the boy up for school. Or ready. Or walk him to the bus stop. And I did not want to go out with the dog. I guess, now that I write them out, they are all reasonable things not to want to do, but this morning I felt lousy. Like I was letting them all down. Like I didn't want to honor any of my responsibilities.
Last night, I did not want to work out. At all. I just wanted to knit. That's all I've really been wanting to do lately, but there is never time. By the time there is time, I am too tired. And then I get depressed and then I feel even more tired.
Sometimes I feel like a lousy person. I just want to sit. And do nothing. And when I do that sometimes I feel better, but sometimes I feel worse. I feel lazy.
And now I feel like a lousy girlfriend because it is way easier to type "I feel" rather than say it.
Friday, September 21, 2012
(I don't say WOOT.)
I took 2 weeks off where I did a whole lot of nothing. Didn't even find the energy to blog. But, then, I rarely do theseadays. I was supposed to go to Illinios to visit a friend, but that didn't work out. So, I stayed at home. Which actually works out because come to find out I need to buy a new car, so it is good that I saved the money.
Anyone want to buy a car that won't pass Mass emissions?
So, I am back to work. Back to the same shit, only I am a little more relaxed than before.
Ryder started kindergarten. I can't believe how big he is! He tells me that he is going to get so big that he will break his twin sized bed. That would be too much Ryder.
The buses are pretty stressful. The bus was full the first week or so, but they still put all the kids on. Thankfully they have a third (!) bus come and take the kids that wouldn't fit on the first two buses, which includes Ryder. Oh well, he gets his own seat.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
In college I lived with my ex and two other men. They were very very dirty. They never cleaned up after themselves or did any chores around the apartment. It was way more than the occasional pizza box. There was cigarette ashes on the carpet, piles of trash, food left everywhere and, most annoyingly, always a sink completely full of dishes.
I got very angry one day, though. We had a Brita pitcher that never had water in it. Ideally, when you finished the water you would fill the top of the pitcher and put it back in the fridge so someone else could drink some delicious, cold, clean water. This was too foreign a concept and every. single. time. I went to drink some delicious, cold, clean water the pitcher was empty. One day I had had enough and I threw the pitcher across the room and it broke. Actually it shattered. I would never reach in to an empty pitcher again.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
I got a letter in the mail yesterday about what he needs to bring to school. Couldn't they have sent this letter a couple of weeks ago? At least it didn't come with a summer reading list. So now I have to go buy some things, including shoes, this weekend. Labor day weekend. The stores are going to be packed. I'm panicking just thinking about it.
And the bus. I found out what his bus schedule was going to be. He was originally supposed to be at a bus stop that is not near our house or daycare. I have no idea why they did that. But I got it worked out so that I put him on the bus in the morning by my house, then daycare will pick him up in the afternoon. The bus is early early so we need to start getting up much earlier.
I don't know how daycare fees work during the school year. I know that it is half price because it is half day, but what about vacations? Or weeks like next week when he only has school two days?
Oh, and I'm taking him out of school for days 2, 3, and 4 to go on a trip to Illinois. Hopefully that is not much of a problem. Well, even if it is, I've already bought the tickets.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
When I separated from my ex the first time, I was living in Colorado. I only had a couple of friends there, but they were dear. One of my friends made me a bunch of signs to put around my apartment. Signs saying things like "You are beautiful" and "You are a great friend" and other affirmations. They helped a lot.
I don't put loads of signs up any more, but I do have a couple of things that friends have given me. They remind me that I am not alone. That people love me. That I am good enough.
Recently, I made a board on pinterest called Be Happy. Whenever I see something that makes me happy or a saying that helps, I pin it on that board. Yesterday I was feeling really down so I went over there and looked at it. It really helped. It really made me feel better.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
The last time I spoke to her, her then-boyfriend was an alcoholic and she didn't know what to do. I tried to help her, I tried to help her figure out her options. But then that was it. I didn't hear another word from her. Come to find out that she stayed with him. Had a child with him. Got engaged to him. And just this past weekend, married him.
This is not the only time this has happened to me. I had another extremely close friend that got beaten up badly by her husband. She then confessed to me that he has been beating her for years. She said she was afraid he was going to kill her. I offered her a place to stay. I tried to help. I tried to help her figure out her options. That was the last I heard from her.
Each of these women I have tried to contact. I have called and left messages with both. I have sent emails and facebook messages. The second woman is not on facebook, so I have no idea what happened. But the first is.
I was invited to her bachelorette's party. I was busy so I didn't go, but I felt awkward anyways since I didn't even know they were engaged, let alone getting married. I emailed her and told her that I was sorry I could not make the party, I had prior engagements, but I would love to grab lunch with her soon. I never heard a word back.
Just this morning I saw her wedding pictures. I did not click on them. Just scrolling through and seeing them made me sad. I miss her. I am sad that I was not invited to share this special time with her. It is all too much for 9 am.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
We were up in Concord, NH, for the evening and we needed a snack. The closest store was a Rite-Aid. Now, I don't think I've been in a Rite-Aid for over a decade, but it was there. We went in and, per usual, we examined every item in the store before settling on the items we looked at first. I spied a buy one get one free sale on the Reese's and I had to have two bags!
We went up to the cashier and she asked if I had one of these Wellness cards. I told her that I didn't but asked that she use the store card. Well, apparently, there is no store card. So, if I wanted my free bag of Reese's (of course I did) I would need to sign up for one of these dumb cards. So, I did. I gave her my phone number and she gave me a Wellness card. I tried to walk away without it, but she made sure I remembered to take it.
I promptly threw it away when I got home. What do I need with one of these cards for? I will never need it again. I hate how they trick you into giving them your phone number for a free bag of candy. Wow. Now I kinda feel like a candy whore.
In case you were wondering, I did not eat both bags at once. Despite how much I wanted to :)
Monday, July 2, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
I have an alarm set on my phone to remind me to take my meds in the afternoon. I don't want to advertise that I take anti-depressants so whenever the super annoying alarm goes off, I just announce to everybody that it is, in fact, 1:30. They rarely care.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
2. Standing on furniture maybe not everyone stands on their coffee table but I reserve the right to.
3. Messing with small children I like to tell my kid once in a while that I am going to leave him with the dog. Then I let him stew on it for a while.
4. Beer I didn't even know what I was missing.
5. Eating as many cookies that I want Four was the magic number growing up. You could have four cookies. Now no one tells me I can only have four.
6. Sex Yup. The best thing about being an adult.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I do not hide the fact that I take meds for depression and anxiety. I mean, I do not carry a sign or anything, I just don't deny it when asked.
I wonder if that makes people think I am crazy. Or just the opposite.
I wonder if people look at me and think "She's overweight." Or do I carry the extra poundage well?
I wonder if people think I am a good mom. People say I am, but would you tell someone if they weren't?
I wonder what people think about me. I do not obsess over it, but I do wonder.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
My job is a stepping stone for grad school/med school/vet school. People work here for 1-2 years then go on their merry way to school. I have been here for 5-6 years already. I have no plans to leave.
Sure, I would love to find a new job, preferably in a far away city somewhere. But who knows? I don't know what kind of job I would be looking for anyways.
I was just listening to a Stuff You Should Know podcast on goals and whether they are good or bad. The consensus is that it depends on the person/situation. They touch on the fact that not everyone has goals. Some people are fine with their mediocre lives. (I assume they are mediocre because if they were really awesome, they probably achieved goals to get their awesome shit.)
I do kind of have a weight loss goal. I would like to lose 10 pounds as quickly as possible. I really don't know a better time frame than that. I don't really know what is reasonable. One month? Two? I guess I could google it, but honestly I don't care enough.
See what I mean?! No ambition. No motivation. This could all fall back, you know, on my depression. Why bother having goals that you cannot meet? What is the point?
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Forgiveness comes easily to me. There are few things in my life that I have not been able to forgive. Forgetfulness is another thing that comes very naturally to me. This is why it is easy for me to forgive; because I usually forget what it was that I was angry about. I usually forget most things. I probably did too many drugs when I was younger. So it goes.
Sometimes the things that are said cannot be unheard. I wish they could be. I wish I didn't stay angry as long as I do, but there it is. These things happen. Sometimes it just takes a little bit longer to forgive and forget, I just need a little bit of time.
Monday, May 21, 2012
I do not think people realize that adult toys and accessories can bring two people closer. EdenFantasys, which is my go to site for these things, has tons of products that can and are meant to be shared.
For instance, they have sex kits. Some are collections of oils and lotions while others are more naughty. They also have things the aid in different positions, for example shower handles. Sometimes those showers can get tricky.
One of the really nice things about shopping online is that you can read and watch video reviews in the privacy of your own home. And this is another great activity for you to do together, If nothing else, it gets you talking about what each other likes and does not like.
And promo codes. We love promo codes :) Use code XOXO and save 20% on all orders!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I am blogging today about mental illness because today is Mental Health Month Blog Party over at the American Psychological Association. Not that I don't blog about mental health all the time - I just have a good reason to today :)
As many of you know, I suffer from clinical depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. I take five pills a day to combat these. I am not ashamed of my illness or of the fact that I see a psychologist and a therapist. I will tell anyone who wants to know. It wasn't always like that, though. I did not get treatment until well into my college years. My family thought there was nothing wrong with me, so I would just be a cry baby if I went to a doctor for it. I was always worried that people would assume I was crazy, when I knew I wasn't. It was difficult for me, the same that it is for millions of Americans.
There are lots of consequences of not seeking treatment. Homelessness, incarceration, episodes of violence, and suicide are just some of the major consequences. Others include loss of time at work, difficulties with relationships, and worsening of the disease. We need to help fight stigma so that these people who suffer from mental illness can seek treatment without fear of being judged.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I am not sure that I am a good person to answer this question. With too many people in a too small apartment, I feel like there is clutter everywhere. There is constantly a pile of papers and books that need to be gone through. I will do my best though :)
I help my child develop good organizing skills by demonstrating how I do it. I try to keep my clutter minimized and hopefully he will pick up on this as he gets older too. I keep my papers organized in folders in a file cabinet and I throw out anything that I do not need. I give away or donate things that I did not know I had and will not miss. I try to only keep a couple of papers a week that he brings home from school. I am sure that even this is more than necessary, but I think it is a good start. I recycle anything that can be.
I also have his room set up so that everything has a place. Every toy has a place with other toys that are similar. For example, all the play dough is in one basket, while Mr. Potato Head has a separate basket. He has too many toys for the size of his room, though. I have a really hard time deciding on which toys to give away. As he gets older I will involve him more in this process.
Need some advice or have some to give? Join the conversation over at Blogher. There is also a contest for an iPod and an iTunes gift certificate, all you need to do is leave a comment with your life well lived moment. The contest ends tomorrow, though, so hurry!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I've been easily keeping at that weight since. Well, not easily, but it has been steady. And I like it. I feel much better about myself. Sure, I would like to lose a bit more weight (who doesn't?), but generally I am okay with it.
Well, I was.
In the past week or so I have been feeling very fat. I've been pretty sure for months now that I have gained some weight, but everyone around me insists that I haven't. I don't use a scale but once a month or so when I see my parents. So, I generally don't know if I've changed weight. When I weighed myself this weekend, the number was definitely higher than before. I know it is.
I've been exercising more than I was before. I walk almost 4 miles a day. To work and back. And before the weather was nice, I was doing Tae Bo. So what the fuck? My eating habits have not changed much. I probably eat out a bit more often, but I usually try to choose the healthier option.
My mind hates me. It is mean and cruel. It wants me to feel bad about myself. Positive thinking is nothing compared to the negativity. So, am I really gaining weight? Am I really fat? Is my mind just playing tricks on me? I don't know. I'm just going to step up the exercising and the healthy eating and hope that helps.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
As I mentioned on Twitter yesterday, my desk at work is freezing. I always have a hoodie on, even in the summer. I keep one handy even on the warmest of days. And the winter? Forget about it. It's time to sit here with my jacket on. Today has been, thankfully, a little warmer - only a hoodie no jacket. But still chilly.
I would love to see heated office chairs. Why do cars get a monopoly on these things? My butt needs to be warm in other situations, as well. Such as at work. I would be more inclined to, well, sit at my desk? I guess it wouldn't effect my productivity, but I think it is still a necessity. Can someone get these started for me?
Monday, April 30, 2012
It all started with a simple trip to the grocery store. I HATE the grocery store. I shop every other week and buy enough for two weeks so I can minimize the times I have to go. This time was particularly bad. I was buying something that I do not usually buy and couldn't find it. I was freaking out. Seriously. When I left I swore I would never go back. I went back on Thursday, though.
This triggered my depression. I didn't want to do anything. I went to visit a couple of friends and was in a bad mood. I tried to enjoy myself, but it didn't quite work as planned. This upset me even more. I love these people and love their company. What was wrong with me?
The Great Escape which was delicious! I got a tattoo from The Purple Scorpion - my first. We went to a dinner party and then saw Wrath of the Titans in IMAX 3D. Very cool. By Sunday I was really missing Ryder, he had vacationed at my parents house for a few nights. We met at the Red Hook Brewery for a late lunch/early dinner.
All in all, I think it was a good vacation. At least it ended on a good note.
Oh, and thank you so much for voting for my blog! I ended up 16th on the Circle of Moms Top 25 Single Moms! Thanks!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
We are going to do something a little less serious today! Here is what Penny thought about today.
- OMG OMG OMG THEY ARE WAKING UP!
- Boy, it is going to be great walking down the street without my leash on. It's a good thing my Lady doesn't come outside with me.
- Shit. Busted. She came outside.
- Wait - where are you going? Why can't I come?
- It is AWESOME being home by myself!
- OMG OMG OMG THEY ARE COMING HOME!
- I love you so so so much. Even if you are ignoring me right now.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
When I read the first question: "Have you or your child been the target of bullies? Bullied others?" I thought that I wouldn't have anything to relate to. I was thinking about high school and elementary school and I wasn't really bullied. Teased, sure, but not bullied. And neither has Ryder. So, I just read on.
Then people started discussing being bullied outside of school. For instance, apparently there is a lot of bullying in nursing. Then I started thinking about outside of school, which I had not before. My ex-husband was very verbally abusive. I asked "Do you think verbal abuse is bullying?" I got a bunch of affirmatives. @AspieSide said "yes I think verbal abuse is bullying. Words hurt and lower a person's self worth." This blew my mind a little bit.
I never thought I could relate to being bullied when I lived years and years with a bully. He used to call me names, tell me I am worthless and lazy, make me feel like I deserved everything he did. He was, thankfully, never physically abusive, so I really did not think that I was being abused. Now I see that I was. It took years, but I can see that now.
Honestly, and we are being honest here, I sometimes wished he was physically abusive. Then I would have had a good reason to leave. I felt like the verbal abuse was not a good enough reason. Physical abuse is something tangible. Something that leaves marks and scars. Something that I can point to and say "That is wrong."
After this small revelation, staying involved in the chat was difficult. It made me very sad. I was sad for all the people being bullied, all the bullies, and me. Why can't we just treat everyone else with respect?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I get hard copies of everything - bills, receipts, etc. Then I neatly organize them. I have a wire basket for the most current things and things that need to be filed. In this basket one slot is for current bills, one is for bills I have already paid, one is for current receipts, one is for bank statements, etc.
Once in a while, I take everything, except my current bills and file them in a filing cabinet. There are folders for everything. I try to keep things only as long as they are relevant (statements up to a year and so on) and then trash them, but I do not clean it out as often as I would like. This is probably more work than needs to be done since you can get copies of anything off of the internet, but with my history of applying for help all over the place, I have learned to keep the hard copies. It is easier to make copies that way. And I don't have a printer hooked up in the house.
I really do not get digital paperwork, but when I do, I make more little folders inside other little folders. I really love folders! I also love it when things are organized and easy to access.
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Monday, April 9, 2012
I love him. He is my best friend. It is great living with your best friend. I have someone to talk to most of the time, but because of work schedules, we still have some time for ourselves.
Ryder adores him. I think he is still trying to figure out that he really lives with us. He keeps telling me that he lives with us. My Bf is a good role model for Ryder - even though he didn't expect to be in such a role. Dating with a child is just so much different than dating without. Especially having the child full time. It is something I really didn't fully understand until now. But everyone around here is adjusting perfectly!
We both love him being around all the time. We both love him so much. I think the three of us will continue to be happy :)
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I still read actual physical books. I know. I am old school ;) I recently read My Abandonment by Peter Rock.
The book is about a young girl who lives with her father in a cave in a nature preserve. Everything is perfect until they are found out and the father is arrested. They end up moving to a farm where the father's slowly apparent mental illness worsens. I won't spoil the rest.
This book was wonderful. The narrator is the young girl and because of her age she is very unreliable. We only see things from her point of view, which is not necessarily the whole picture. Her voice is so strong, though, that you can really picture everything that is happening. The story becomes harder and harder to put down. I strongly recommend it.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
We went to a grey wolf preserve this past weekend. It was great - the wolves were so cool. It was a lecture type of presentation and the information was fascinating. I could not pay attention, though. I was playing a word find with Ryder to keep him quiet. Had he started yelling and upset the wolves, I would have been mortified. So embarrassed. So I kept him quiet. And he did stay quiet - for a full 30 minutes. I was proud of him, yet after that 30 minutes, we had to get up and leave. He could not stay still any longer and he did NOT want to be there anymore.
I am not angry at Ryder in the slightest and my Boyfriend is great with helping me, but I wasn't able to enjoy the presentation because I was busy being a mom. Even if my Boyfriend had taken him, I would not be able to concentrate knowing they were not enjoying the wolves. I just need to pretend I am not a mom, once in a while.
I love being a mom, most of the time. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I just need a little timeout. Everyone tells me to take some time for myself, but it is so hard. I never stop thinking about Ryder, no matter where we are, no matter what we are doing. Basically, I am always a mom and there is no getting around that fact.
But if I just had a small moment...
Monday, April 2, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Circle of Moms Top 25 Single Moms - 2012 .
I am not a religious person (duh) so I am not inclined to celebrate such a religious holiday. Sorry, I just don't believe in zombies. (Whoa, that was uncalled for.)
Anyways, like Christmas, it is no longer just about that, it is commercialized. So do I celebrate this nonsense, like Christmas, or can I just not? Is my kid missing out on a whole lot of fun if I do not hide eggs?
On one hand it is just some eggs but on the other it is the principle. But is it just some eggs? Once I decide to hide eggs, I have to buy candy to put in them. Then I ought to just buy a decent amount of candy. Then I ought to just go ahead and buy him an Easter basket. Then am I teaching him that it is okay to celebrate something just because everyone else is? Even if it is against your beliefs? Am I taking this all too seriously? Should I just hide the damn eggs?
Wait, if I do not let him miss out on finding eggs, don't we have to color eggs? If I am going to do it, I should probably do it right. But it comes down to this: I do not want to. I don't want anything to do with Easter. I would probably do away with Christmas if I could.
Maybe he is too young to even care.
Parenting is hard.
UPDATE: I am going to hide eggs and get some candy. It will be fun :)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
How do you teach the children in your life happiness? Please share your best tools and tips in the comments below.
I try to teach Ryder happiness by trying to be happy myself. When he does something good or makes something I am sure to shower him with compliments and encouragement. He picks up on that and says how happy he is.
I teach Ryder that if he does something, like getting dressed on his own, it will make me happy. So he learns what makes other people happy. At the same time I try to learn what makes him happy and identify it as such.
Happiness is difficult for me because I am so unhappy a lot. Since my Boyfriend moved in, there has been a whole lot more happiness in our house :D
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Saturday, March 3, 2012
The people at Eden Fantasys are wicked nice. They have great products - for everyone. I have the FingO mini massager and the Ben's G-Spot Smoothie. I did a review on the latter. I like them both. The massager is tickley while the smoothie hits just the right spot.
If sex toys are not your thing, they have a collection of beauty and body products (click on that link if you want to bypass the sex stuff.) They have bath and body, massage, makeup, skincare, fragrance and pheromones products. Honestly, I have not been through those sections because I am more interested in the funner stuff ;)
Eden Fantasys is a great place to buy products from. Ordering is easy and the packaging is discreet. These products are great to use as a couple. It enhances intamacy and brings you closer together. And guys love a good surprise! I really recommend Eden Fantasys and their adult toys.
I am receiving a gift certificate for this honest post.
Friday, March 2, 2012
I am afraid of the platforms at the train station. I've been riding trains for a good portion of my life - you'd think I would be used to them by now.
I am terrified that I or someone else will fall onto them. Most platforms (all?) have a space under them that you can duck into if the train is coming, but that is no comfort to me. I still picture myself falling onto the tracks and cracking my skull open and dying.
We were at the subway station one day when Ryder was much younger and he was running around the platform. He was not listening to me so I ran over and grabbed him. There was a seeing eye dog that started growling at me. All the people were looking at me, but I didn't care. My kid was not getting hit by a train. Even if that lab attacked me.
Friday, February 24, 2012
We were in the middle of a crowded Christmas Tree Shop when he said "I don't have a dad."
"Well," I tried to explain, "you do have a dad you just don't know him."
"Is [your boyfriend] my dad?"
"No, he is not."
"Is he your dad?"
"No, honey, he is not a dad. He has no children."
"I want to go to Chuck E Cheese," wrapping the conversation up.
So, I know that this is only the first of many conversations like this. Hopefully they don't happen in the middle of a crowded store again. I could feel the eyes burning my flesh.