Tuesday, May 8, 2012

F is for FAT

I used to be overweight. My doctors wanted me to lose 30 pounds. It seemed like an impossible feat. Luckily (?) I get nauseated when I get stressed. One summer I was totally stressed out and did not eat much of anything. I told everyone I was fasting. You know what? It totally worked. Lost a ton of weight - over my demanding 30 lbs.

I've been easily keeping at that weight since. Well, not easily, but it has been steady. And I like it. I feel much better about myself. Sure, I would like to lose a bit more weight (who doesn't?), but generally I am okay with it.

Well, I was.

In the past week or so I have been feeling very fat. I've been pretty sure for months now that I have gained some weight, but everyone around me insists that I haven't. I don't use a scale but once a month or so when I see my parents. So, I generally don't know if I've changed weight. When I weighed myself this weekend, the number was definitely higher than before. I know it is.

I've been exercising more than I was before. I walk almost 4 miles a day. To work and back. And before the weather was nice, I was doing Tae Bo. So what the fuck? My eating habits have not changed much. I probably eat out a bit more often, but I usually try to choose the healthier option.

My mind hates me. It is mean and cruel. It wants me to feel bad about myself. Positive thinking is nothing compared to the negativity. So, am I really gaining weight? Am I really fat? Is my mind just playing tricks on me? I don't know. I'm just going to step up the exercising and the healthy eating and hope that helps.


  1. Whenever something really horrible and streesful happens in my life I think "okay, well, at least I might lose a few pounds." Haha, it's awful I know, but hey, it's a silver lining. My problem is when I do lose the few pounds I start eating worse than I was so I gain it back : ( I just try to see the silver lining in that too and think, well, I must be happy and things must be going pretty well! I understand how you feel some mornings I change my clothes fifty times because I feel "fat." Other days I think "who the hell decides what "fat" is??!!" am i really "fat?" the answer is no. All in all I try to measure myself from my own standards and not airbrushed models. I once heard a quote from cindy crawford where she said "i wish i looked like cindy crawford the model too!" referring to how aribrushed and photoshopped all her images are. Stay true to yourself! You are getting exercise and that's great!

  2. Isn't it strange?
    I've been having a similar problem. Same eating habits ..for the first two months, I lost a minimum of 2 pounds a week and then all of a sudden, I started doing Insanity and I didn't lose a thing. I've been the same exact weight for a month..yes, I've taken off some inches but to not even be at 20 pound loss is frustrating. But I've learned to just keep at it.Keep doing what you doing and it will pay off. You want this change for the long haul and not just for this moment.

  3. GOsh when I am stressed I eat! almost ate a whole bag of chips yesterday - But today I did some cardio but I know I haven't done enough to work off the damage from yesterday. But each day brings new decisions and choices. I choose not to be down on myself. Might that work for you?
    Good luck!

  4. So I have to tell you the truth...YOU have to ignore the STUPID numbers on the scale. As a fitness guru of sorts and having tons of expert trainers tell me...you have to go by how your clothes fit. It is true. If your current size of clothes are fitting tighter than normal and you are sure they didn't shrink...I promise that you probably put on a pound or two. However, if you feel fat as you say...examine your salt intake and if you are eating back-you up so you don't poop good food, well, that can pack a pound on so it seems. Other advice, try changing your exercise routine by adding some weight lifting...muscle burns more calories even at rest. The only time I have ever lost (in a healthy way) weight was with weight lifting and diet. A LOT and I mean a lot of it is pure diet.

  5. Continue on your quest for weight loss and better health but 1st and foremost, love yourself as is.

  6. don't give up-- when losing weight-- your body always goes through this phase-- continue doing what you're doing-- exercising and eating.

  7. I eat EVRYTHING when I'm stressed. I also don't get on the scale often but I can "feel" when I've gained weight and my mind always tells me the same thing. Then THAT just makes things worse and I eat more. Try to stay positive and remind yourself of how you lost those other 30 pounds and kept it off...no easy task :) hang in there (I hate cliche's...don't know why I just typed that)


Whatcha think?