Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Ex-Friends

I have a best friend. Or rather, I used to have a best friend. We are no longer best friends, I don't think we even qualify as friends any more. Except on facebook. Goddamn facebook.

The last time I spoke to her, her then-boyfriend was an alcoholic and she didn't know what to do. I tried to help her, I tried to help her figure out her options. But then that was it. I didn't hear another word from her. Come to find out that she stayed with him. Had a child with him. Got engaged to him. And just this past weekend, married him.

This is not the only time this has happened to me. I had another extremely close friend that got beaten up badly by her husband. She then confessed to me that he has been beating her for years. She said she was afraid he was going to kill her. I offered her a place to stay. I tried to help. I tried to help her figure out her options. That was the last I heard from her.

Each of these women I have tried to contact. I have called and left messages with both. I have sent emails and facebook messages. The second woman is not on facebook, so I have no idea what happened. But the first is.

I was invited to her bachelorette's party. I was busy so I didn't go, but I felt awkward anyways since I didn't even know they were engaged, let alone getting married. I emailed her and told her that I was sorry I could not make the party, I had prior engagements, but I would love to grab lunch with her soon. I never heard a word back.

Just this morning I saw her wedding pictures. I did not click on them. Just scrolling through and seeing them made me sad. I miss her. I am sad that I was not invited to share this special time with her. It is all too much for 9 am.

9 comments:

  1. I have ex friends too. I miss them, but I think I miss the girlfriend companionship more. In my 30's I reconnected with a friend who I was very close to in my late teens early twenties and after a few months I realized that I had grown and she hadn't.
    I'm in my 40's now and I find it very hard to make friends!

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  2. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing not to have a lot of friends, so long as the ones you do have are true blue.

    It's nice that you wished your friend well, and maybe the future will bring the two of you back into each other's immediate circles. One never knows about these things... :)

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  3. that is so sad. I have friends where we have fallen apart and then I feel left out of everything. I didn't leave they just decided they were done with me. It is very sad. Sorry you are having to feel this pain

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  4. You probably remind her of the things in her life she wants to forget, so she tucks you away too. It's sad, and maybe Rosey is right that things will come around again over time:)

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  5. Awe... Raine... I understand where you're coming from on so many levels. Although a little older than you, I have had this happen to me too many times to count. Unfortunately we can only help those who want to be helped. Also... please understand that when a person is in an abusive relationship, the abuser controls the abusee on so many levels- even threatening, possibly telling her not to associate with you. Do not give up hope on your friends. Pray for them. Also, your friend may have taken you not going to her bachelorette party as a sign in itself. Be a bigger better friend... I know it is difficult.. but lead by example...she may need to go to you one day and you won't be available for her. Take it from someone that had lived most of her life as a pessimist... I got tired of being grouchy all the time- besides what am I teaching my daughter? Blessings to you and yours... here's to brighter days.

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  6. I am so sorry for you. Friendship is such a delicate dance and often we step on each other's toes without even realizing it. I'm praying that the hole created by this friendship loss is filled soon by an even better friend.

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  7. I am sorry you are going through this as well. I have had a few friendships that ended and I really felt the loss. I agree with Shannon, friendship is such a delicate dance. As is recovery, and I have found that those who have not found it have a very hard time being with those that have. Sometimes getting healthier ourselves closes one door but opens many others, at least that's how it has worked in my own life. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  8. It is so hard when we realize that there are friends that are brought into our lives for only a season. It always makes me thankful for the gift of my forever friends. so sorry. I know it hurts.

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  9. I am so sorry that you got hurt by this. Friendships come and go in your life, they are there for certain reasons - a give and take relationship, and when that is over people move on. Maybe they felt embarrassed for not being able to take your help you offered. Who knows - but stay true to yourself, remember the good times you had and know that you can't control anyones behavior except your own. Know that you were a friend in need and that's the best you could do. Be strong xoxox
    Leigh

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