Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Hey! Look at Me!

Someone nominated me for the VoiceBoks' 2013 Top Mom Blog! I don't know who but this is what was written: "She’s a single mom who sometimes suffers from depression, but through it all, she does her best for her little one. See how she copes with it all!" So nice! I'm honored. And I'd be super honored if you voted for me! Just click on the button, then "like" the page. Thank you for your support!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

More of What I Am Doing Right

Thankfully Jaime over at James and Jax likes to remind us that we are doing things right. It is so hard some days, it seems like I can do nothing right, but I am. I am doing a lot of right things. I just have to take the time to remember them.

1. I set up a real live playdate for Ryder! I'll meet his friend and his friend's mom.

2. I make lunch for Ryder every day. Okay, not fridays but they have pizza at school and how could I deny him of that?

3. I am making an effort towards Easter this year. I pretty much ignored it last year. I'm not religious so it means nothing to me, but that's not fair for Ryder who just wants to find some eggs. So we're going to dye some eggs friday, since there is no school or daycare for Good Friday.

4. I am doing a great job keeping up with my school work. I had my doubts when I started, but it is so interesting I've been finding time for it.

Friday, March 22, 2013

I Hate Sallie Mae

First off, who doesn't hate Sallie Mae? Seriously.

Yes, I cosigned for a loan for my then husband for him to go to school. No, he didn't even finish a single semester (or month, if I think about it). Yes, I was an idiot. I admit it. Seven years later and I am still trying to skirt these bastards.

(Okay. So I know it is my fault, ultimately. They did not make me sign the loan. I did it on my own free will and I haven't paid them in five years. But who cares? This is not the point.)

Here is the thing. First of all, I do not have the money to pay them. I certainly do not have $9,000 whatever to settle. So, even if I did want to pay them, I can't.

Secondly, and most importantly, get that scumbag that took out the loan in the first place to pay the damn bill. And while you are talking to him, tell him to pay some child support, too. Thanks.

They are much better, now that they've settled that enormous lawsuit claiming that they called people like constantly for years. I can attest to that. I would sometimes get 3-4 calls from them a day. No kidding. So at least they've cut that down a bit.

Anyways, they keep threatening to take me to court. Do it. Seriously. Even if I am forced to pay, it won't be for years. Maybe I'll hit the jackpot before then. Who knows?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

National Single Parent Day

Who knew? Why isn't this being broadcast all over the place? Well, I can probably think of a few reasons ie. the stigma of being a single parent being one.

But that is not what we are here to talk about today! It is the joys of single parenting!

The first and most obvious is that you don't have to collaborate with anyone about anything. He wants to stay up until 9? He wants to go to karate class? I want him to eat all of his dinner? I get to make all of the choices myself. No second opinion or unanimous decision needed.

The second is you get the child all to yourself. Only one parent can go? No problem. He wants to go out? Well, it will be me that he wants to go with. I don't really share very well.

So this can be a little tiring sometimes, having to do everything yourself, but there are people around to help. My parents are great at taking him whenever I need them to and my bf helps with whatever he can. The hardest part is accepting help. Letting go a little bit is hard when you've tried so hard to keep him close.

The third is that you're child will grow up seeing a strong independent woman. I'm not saying that the child will automatically think that woman are not strong if they live in a two parent household, but I know that my child will appreciate the hard work that women do.

So, despite all the complaining that I do about being a single parent, there is a lot of joy in it. It is hard, but rewarding.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Bad Day

I am having a bad day. You are probably sick of reading about my bad days. That's okay. Here's another.

Work blows. I am going to school so that I can leave the science field, but I feel like it is so far away. It is not really, I have less than 2 years until I start my field placement. I don't know how I'm going to pull that off with work. So, yeah.

School has been my motivator lately, but now I think it is a source of discontent. It reminds me that there are other professions out there and I do not have to be a research tech forever. And that kinda makes me kinda sad. Not because I'll miss science, but because I can't leave fast enough.

I've been trying to use my happy lights more often lately. We haven't had a lot of sun and it is really bumming me out. I've also been trying out lately. It is interesting and sometimes fun. I don't know if I am getting happier, but I am trying! If you want to try it out, let me know and I'll send you an invite. It has some good activities that I think I ought to do more often. Like meditating. I should meditate more often to relax myself. It is so hard to find time for myself, though. <--poor excuse.="" p="">
And I am mean to myself and neither happy lights or happify can help that. I need to stop, or at least slow down a bit. It is hard when I tell myself that I deserve bad things to happen but not good things.

I'm just having a bad day. I'll get over. Hopefully.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Neighborhood Character

I live in a predominately Spanish neighborhood. We've got bodegas on the corners and places that you can get cheap international phone cards. Mostly, I like my neighborhood. It gets a little loud (okay, very loud) in the summer time, but it gives the place character.

There is an older gentleman in my neighborhood that is in a wheel chair. He is always in the road. Not on the side of the road, but in the road. Sometimes he is courteous and is at least in the crosswalk in the road, but not always. How this man does not get hit by a car is a mystery.

I see this man daily when it is warmer out. I try not to hit him. One day I was walking past him and he asked for some change. I don't give out my change (judge me if you will) so I told him I didn't have any. He then said something to me in Spanish. I don't know Spanish, but I can be certain it wasn't something nice. Honestly, I wanted to say something like "Hey pal, I live in the same neighborhood as you! Just because I am white does not mean that I am rich." But I didn't. Which is probably for the best because there is no need to justify, propagate, or assume someone is stereotyping you.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Course Number 1 - Done!

I just checked my final grades for my first Grad school course and I got 99%! Unbelievable. I truly thought that I would not be able to return to school - especially with a young one around - but here I am! I did very well on my papers that I was convinced were no good. I need to trust myself more. I need to believe in myself more. I'm excited for course number 2 starting tomorrow!

Monday, March 4, 2013


They practiced a lockdown at my son's school last week. A lockdown. In kindergarten! It is so important and I am so glad that the school will be prepared God-forbid something happens, but it scares the fuck out of me! Seriously. Thinking about my little guy stuck in the bathroom with 18 of his closest friends playing hide and seek scares me so much. I go a little crazy thinking about it. Makes me want to take him and hide him under the covers with me forever. Because my bed is the safest place I can think of.

He took it in stride. "We had to go into the girl's room because there was a stranger in the building," he told me. That's it. Just a stranger in the building. I'm glad he is not as frightened of me. I'm glad he doesn't know really why they are in the girl's bathroom and I would rather not think about it.