Sunday, June 30, 2013



I should probably put trigger warning on my tagline.

So, here I am feeling so lonely. So I have returned to you, my blog, my Loyal Readers. If there are any Loyal Readers left.

My best friend is gone. I knew he would leave, but I didn't realize his leaving would be so totally and utterly complete. By that I mean, of course, I didn't think he would de-friend me. Fucking lame, but that's where we are today. De-friending meaning so much more than just one less friend on some stupid social networking site.

I had the worst date ever last night. Worst. Date. Ever. Too embarrassing to even share with you guys. Maybe later when the wound isn't so fresh. But I don't really care too too much, because I wasn't crazy about him anyways. I am really interested in this other guy that is pretty much unavailable. Seriously, why?

Anyways, Trent Reznor came to my head today and this song kinda does it for me right now. I am not so depressed that this song speaks to me, but, you know, it has its purposes. Sometimes a trigger is just what I need to feel good. Just the trigger. Today, just the trigger.

Sorry for the fucking Baby Einstein version - I'm not in the mood to find a better video. Turn up the sound and shut the monitor off.

Thursday, June 6, 2013


I am late. Well, I will be very shortly. I cannot handle being late. I wish I could accurately describe the feeling to you. It's like "OhNoOhNoOhNoOhNo" my heart is racing. I can't calm down. I try to close my eyes but I physically can't. I'm not exaggerating. Like they pop right back open. It's my therapy appointment. If there is one person in the world who would not be upset it's my therapist, yet here I am, freaking out.

My family is always late. Again, not exaggerating. Sometimes hours late. I cannot stand it. I can't be late.

It's okay if they make me wait. That is fine. I'm very patient, but if I make someone wait a minute I freak out. I'mSoSorryI'mSoSorry!

I have ativan with me, but alas, no water and I can't chance it getting stuck in my throat like it does. As if that can be worse than how I feel, but it would be both feelings at once and I DEFINITELY can't handle that.

I didn't even cause this lateness. The bus was held up by traffic. Then I missed my train and now I'm on a slightly later one. I'll be late in 33 minutes. 33 minutes.

Until then I'm going to sit here and feel like the world is ending.