I am having a hard time. My depression and anxiety are at a high right now. I couldn't keep my shit together at work yesterday and had to leave early. I do not like doing that. And I worried everyone in the lab. They got me a ride home because they didn't even want me going on the train. I am very appreciative of everything everyone has done, but sometimes it makes it worse.
Seriously, that question sets me off. I want to just sit back and list all of the things that are wrong. And I could, but instead I say "nothing. I am fine." Which causes emotions to almost back up. Like there is this dam that I put up, but it is a leaky dam because people know something is wrong. They can tell some emotion is there and about to burst. I can't let it, though. Especially at work. That is totally inappropriate.
Yesterday the dam broke. I had a full on panic attack right here. In front of everyone.
Today I am doing a better job with my dam, but it is a little leaky. I've had one motivational speech already today. "Be happy." I seriously laughed out loud when I was told this. The funniest thing I've heard in a while, really. Be happy. If only.