Friday, December 27, 2013

Merry Christmas and All That

Merry Christmas! a little late, but whatever.

Anyways, you should check out Eli's 6 Word Christmas Spectacular - I might have made that name up for him just now... AND I might have contributed to his post (#19!). Go check it out - What's your favorite?

Friday, December 13, 2013

You Don't Know Me

Look, here's the thing. You don't know me. You don't know my story. You don't know what I've gone through, what I am going through, what I will have to go through. I don't presume to know any of these things about you either.

Don't tell me how to live my life.

I know that sounds very 16 year oldish of me, but it is true. I know what is possible and what isn't. I know you are just trying to help or something, trying to impart some wisdom on me, but really, maybe those 16 year olds are onto something. I'm an adult, I make my own decisions and I don't apologize to anyone for them. You don't know my desires, needs, motivations for doing these things. And you still think you know what is best for me?

No. A real friend tries to help out with some suggestions. Tries to help you problem solve a little. A real friend understands when it is too much for you to handle. A real friend doesn't judge you for that. A real friend stands by you and supports you even if she doesn't support your decisions. A real friend doesn't say "I told you so", even if she did.

I'm tired of people thinking they know what is best for me and presume to know what I am capable of. Yeah, for somethings I have excuses, but you know what? They are valid. You might understand that if you knew me, but you don't. And the way you are headed, really, I don't think you will be getting to know me. Ain't nobody got time for dat.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Stave Off the Depression a Bit

I have found that my depression is better when I have something to look forward to. It doesn't necessarily have to be much, really it hardly ever is, but it has to be something. Right now, for instance, I am looking forward to my boyfriend coming over tonight. Just dinner and wine and maybe a movie, but I am really looking forward to it and today hasn't been so bad. Christmas isn't really something I look forward to, because it is so stressful, but it is really nice being around my family. New Years is something that I know a lot of people look forward to. Usually I just sit at home watching my phone click over to the new year, but this year I have people to spend it with (well, I guess I did last year, but it was still at my house, without TV.)

In January, we are taking a little vacation. I can't tell you where, though, the secret might get out ;)

I'm not sure what I am going to look forward to after that, but I really have to keep on top of this. Things get pretty hopeless really fast when I do not have anything. It feels like the days will just keep going on and going on and going on just the same, same, same. I think it is important to know this about my depression. Every little bit helps, you know?

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Birthdays and Loved Ones

Last Sunday was my birthday. Ryder asked me what I was planning on doing for my birthday. When did he become old enough to worry about plans? I told him that I wasn't sure, so he asked me the next day, too.

First thing he usually does when he wakes up is run into my room and ask if he can play video games. I usually say yes and he goes running off. Sunday, though, he said "Happy birthday!" This touched me immensely. He wasn't just thinking about himself and how he wanted to play video games. He was thinking of how it was my birthday. I know he is a kind and thoughtful child, but I was still thrown back a little.

He really made my birthday special. I wonder if he understands how much that means to me. I can not believe how quickly he is growing. Just last year, I would have had to remind him 30 times that it was my birthday. Now he wishes me a happy birthday before I even open my eyes.

I've never enjoyed my birthday. Well, that's probably not true, ever since I've been an adult my birthday has kind of sucked. One year, for instance, I was in court trying to get a restraining order. That put a damper on the celebrations.

This year was different. Not only did Ryder make it special, but my boyfriend did too. We went over to his house where there was dinner and cake then came back to my house to watch the movie he got me. All simple things, but really it was lovely. Now I'm starting to look forward to more.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Guest Post

Hi all! I am guest posting over at Coach Daddy's place today! Take a look and join in the conversation :)