Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Best laid plans of mice and men

You know, no matter what your plans are, it doesn't matter. No matter how good your intentions, it doesn't matter. No matter how thoughtful and thorough and detailed, it doesn't matter.

I did everything like I was supposed to do. I picked a vocation young (zookeeper) and stuck with it. Took the necessary courses in high school, graduated top of my class, got into the university of my choice. Did well in college. Maybe partied a bit much, but still graduated with a better than 3.0 GPA. I met my love while in school. We worked and saved and moved to Colorado. We got married. Then shit happened.

Fast forward through the shit that was not supposed to happen.

I finally get my dream job of being a zookeeper I worked so hard to get. I hated it. I quit after the summer was over.

We get back together. We live in a really nice place and we are bringing in enough money to be content. So we decide to have a child. I got pregnant right away and had a perfect little boy. Then shit happened.

Fast forward through the shit that was not supposed to happen.

I am a single mom. I am an only parent. I do not receive child support. I have a job that I never wanted.

I find a school program that I am interested in. And it is online, so I can do my course work while my son is sleeping. Perfect.

Then shit happened.

We can't fast forward through this shit, though, because it is currently happening.

I did it all right. I went to college, I did well in school, I got engaged and then married and then a decent income and then, and only then, a child. That is the right order. Married and then child. I was told if I worked hard and did what I was supposed to do, everything would work out. You know what? Good grades and good jobs and having a child within wedlock and continuing with school, that shit means nothing. It doesn't matter.

I had a plan. And this is not it.

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